Haven Your World: Mainland Community Living

This blog was started and is and adaption of a series of pics on my Flickr blog for Ioh.  If you want to see the larger pics, feel free to check out my Flickr stream for Ioh here, starting with the first pic in the series.

Hello everyone!

After taking a much needed cat nap earlier in the late morning for me, I decided I've rested long enough, and ought to do something that is long over due. That is, to give a basic overview of the Haven Your World Mainland Community Living sim.

The name for the mainland region is Little Sheffield. It has been parceled out into 16 rental units. As the left wing of the board that you are greeted with tells you, each parcel is 3,136 square meters in size, a 717 prim allotment, and costs H$125 per week, with an initial H$1 setup to claim ownership of the parcel.

The center of the board piece, which might grab your attention first, welcomes you to "Be part of the community!" It then states, "New to Haven Your World: Mainland Community Living." This area is relatively new still, as the region was first introduced a little over a month ago on November 13th. I had visited Cheryl as she was working on the place a few days to a week prior, and was impressed by what she had already laid out.

Clicking the board gives you three items:

1. a landmark to the Little Sheffield sim that the mainland community rentals is in,

2. a notecard for the Residential Covenant, and

3. a landmark to the Haven Your World Welcome Center and freebie mall.

The right wing of the board lets you know that you are choosing your own home here and that you can either keep the current standard housing that is on the parcel by buying it for H$0, or can return the house and put up one of your own that you have bought or wish to create. There is also an important note to purchase the house, if you wish to keep it, before setting your land to group or turning on auto-return.

So, the process is pretty self-explanatory, with a very quick and easy setup. This, I feel, would make the Community living experience appealing, since there is no waiting period for an island to be processed and to appear. Instead, you're just a few clicks away to be ready to go. The prim allotment, and space, although less than your basic island, is reasonable for both price and purpose. For I would gather that the community rentals would appeal to those seeking a low maintenance home with a quick start up for ownership and usability. That, and it's a wonderful area to form a community. For the drawbacks of the islands are that they are not set up for as easy an access, and some are there more to be a private region for friends to visit on occasion. With the community rentals, in contrast, you have neighbors next to each other that you can interact with and create a close knit community with.

So, for today, we'll showcase Rental 6, and just give a quick look from the out and inside.

So here is the overhead look of rental parcel no. 6. Up ahead, the black building off in the distance is Jilly's Nest, owned and run by Jillytopaz Wasp. She is a wonderful designer of fashionable clothes and good looking human skins, both for men and women. I hope to cover more on her store in a later article on the commercial sim. But for now, I make mention of it to show that you can get a full community experience with both a residential area and commercial area within walking distance of each other. Again, this is perfect for both quick and easy setup and to enhance the user experience for both residents and shop owners, who might per chance want to have a shop as well as a place to live next to each other so they can interact with other residents and shop owners in a virtual community immersion similar to what you get in a real life community. Of course, you'll only see my spots, ears and tail in the virtual community. =~.^=

To the far right corner, you will find Cheryl's house. It is somewhat different from the others, as it has her own build with her particular personal touch and texturing. If you get a chance while in world, I would encourage you to stop by and pay her a visit. She is quite personable and friendly, ;)

This is the ground level floor inside the basic rental housing. I would estimate the area to be about 20 meters in width and 40 meters in length, so giving roughly about 800 square meters of space to portion out your ground floor in however manner you wish. I'm certain you could put in extra walls in order to partition out the area even more, either to provide some privacy or more visibly defined borders between a living room, dining room, and kitchen, if you would like. Otherwise, you can enjoy a nice open living environment to entertain guests in. I put Ioh at the opposite end of the build so that one can get a certain perspective of how much space there is.

The basic way to get to the second floor is by way of the spiral staircase. I rather enjoy this mode since it gives the upper and lower levels of the house a sense of connection between one another. You can, though have put in a teleporter, if that's your preferred method of transportation.

Up above, you'll find that the second level has been partitioned into a hallway of 5 meters in width and 40 meters in length, with two 15 x 20 meter rooms. You could make either two bedrooms, a bedroom and a bathroom, or even make your own partition of two bedrooms with their own inner bathrooms, depending on how much space you want and require. Being that the basic area is about 800 square meters, between the two levels of the house, you essentially have 1,600 square meters. of course, if you want to add on space for the roof, your basic living space for the starter house that comes with your home parcel is about 2,400 square meters. So, consider that your basic land parcel on its own is 3,136 square meters. Your starter house already rezzed on the house takes up 800 square meters, but can have up to 1,600 squared meters on top of the land, if you use both the second floor and the rooftop as part of your housing space. Therefore, in a sense, you actually have 4,736 square meters of space on your land as part of your basic package. Of course, if you use or create a larger build, you can gain more space. Just remember your prim allotment, as well as keep in mind terms of building and conduct found in the Residential Covenant. As noted in the Covenant the mainland community wants to maintain the character of the estate, which is assumed why residents choose to live on the estate in the first place. So yes, there are more limits for living in a residential area. If these limits do not suit what you would like for a user experience on the Haven Your World grid, you are more than welcome to look into what land package would fit you better on the Own Land section of the Haven Your World website.

Otherwise, if you're happy with just a residential space, and can adhere to the covenant, then the Mainland Community rentals just might be the place for you.

So, that pretty much does it for my overview of the Haven Your World Mainland Community Living region. It's a nice residential area. If you like having the community, the quick and easy start up, and can live with the residential covenant for the estate, then by all means, go ahead and check out and purchase a parcel. As stated previously, each parcel is 3,136 square meters in size, has a 717 prim allotment, and costs H$125 per week, with an initial H$1 setup to claim ownership of the parcel. Exchange rate is £1 = H$200 (or about US$1.63 = H$200). So, at H$125 per week, you're paying less than a dollar per week. Therefore, in about a 4 week's span, you are paying H$500, or about £2.5 (about US$4.07) for the Mainland community experience.

In comparison, your basic Home Region is H$600 a month - that is £3 (or US$4.88) per month. With a basic home region, you get the full region 65,536 square meters of land to work with. The base region does only come with 937 prim allotment, as well as a max limit of 10 avatars that can be in the region. But it is a private home with much more space and 220 more prims to work with compared to a Mainland house. Not to mention, there are less building restraints.

But of course, the value depends on you and what you want. If you want the community experience and really don't want to deal with all that comes with owning a full region, then Mainland Living housing on Sheffield is the way to go. Otherwise, if you want more room, more space, and less restraints, looking into owning your own region might be the better way to go. So it depends on your purpose and what you see as your priorities and standards for living in a virtual life.

* Haven shut down in January of 2014. As great as it was, I found a new place where, for a full sim, I pay US $20/mo and have 20,000 prims to play with.  If you're not ready to invest just yet in a full sim, you can get a shop for free and/or an apartment for T$1 (1/4 a US penny).

You can also check out my current project (5/25/2014), on Tangle Grid at Ioh Haven sim here:

tangle_grid/region/Ioh%20Haven/55/112/33

Can also see this and other pics on Facebook.

What Happened to the Catwalkers?

Well, I haven't RPed in Midian for a while.  But, I figure it must have played out something like this:

Ok, on a serious note, what the hell happened? o.O;

Medieval - Impossible To Do Without Christianity

This is somewhat a spin off from a topic I read on Pussycat Catnap's blog here.

I agree with her on much of what she states. So this is not really a response to her blog, as it is a spin off. My comments there formed the basics for this.

What I mean to say is, that the period and genre of fiction known as Medieval in RP often has very little to do with the actual period that people try to present.  And I do think that one particular problematic area is that people rarely want to put in the religions of the time.  Particularly, in Medieval/Dark Ages period, Christianity was forming a certain dominance among the warrior king ruling class clans of the time in Europe, primarily around France and Italy, and somewhat in Britain, but the isles were much more the territory of the savages, and didn't really get the polishing up of culture until the 12th century with Geoffrey of Monmouth's Historia Regnum Britanniae.  But even there, the Britain legend and folklore was given an additional boost from the 12th c. French writer Chretien d Troyes, who added to the Arthurian narrative Lancelot and the Holy Grail - two most distinguishable elements of that comprised the more Eurocentric strand of Medieval literature.

Also, when considering a 'tradition' of the time, one would have to be accurate about what period the RP is. For instance, if a sim were to say they are a Medieval RP of English Tradition, then by what English Tradition - the Anglo-Saxon, or the Middle English period?  There is a difference by a few centuries, and most RP is closer to the Middle English as it is just before the Renaissance period that more prominently influences people's vision of Medieval RP.  But, unfortunately Renaissance period is not Medieval, and most Medieval RP should not call themselves Medieval, but much more a revisionist history of the Renaissance, as the RP does reflect on the time in fantasy and fiction, as well as certain structures for the RP's own elements that have nothing to do with any historical nature of genre or period.

Now much of the problem with RP in the revisionist fantasy of it, is that it often excludes the very huge 600 lbs gorilla that is the Christian traditions throughout the narratives and history of the time that they want to play in.  And yet, it is Christianity, with both the internal and external battles of the period and culture in Medieval Europe that that made medieval literature what it was.  Christian warrior kings that were partially tyrants that demanded their subjects to be Christian or die, and yet protectors of their realms from the brutal savages of the Northwest, as well as yet another conquering religion of the Muslims to the Southeast.  All this would fit perfectly for an RP, and there is plenty a rich source of history to back any sort of frame of reference for how to play out the Medieval period and play by the 'true' and 'pure' rules of the genre.

Now, I'm not saying that Christianity is the only element of the medieval times.  Yes, there were druids, and to have any sort of Arthurian legend, you cant deny them, nor the focus of Avalon, the lady of the lake, and Excalibur.  Yet, one can't deny the driving force of Lancelot and the Holy Grail either. Just as there were warrior knights of the clan, there were also the Knights Templar and Knights Hospitaller.  And where there were druids taking religious vows, there were also Medieval Monasteries and Nunneries.

There's all sorts of resources, with all sorts of angles to take the Christian tradition in Medieval RP.  Without having that particular aspect of Medieval times, one is eliminating a very important part of the era.  And while maybe some want to water down the period for modern political correctness reasons, they are doing a huge disservice to history and understanding of the period.  Sure, people may like the more secularized version of Medieval RP, but they aren't really getting the fullness of the Medieval period.  But further, they are not getting the Medieval period at all.  Instead, they are getting a revisionist fantasy that claims to be Medieval when, at best, it's a revision of Renaissance without the Reformation, and the Age of Reason without the underlying faith that that people were trying to seek out a better reasoning of or from.

In short, one takes out a huge chunk of the drama of the day, when they don't allow to be in place the most prominent religion of the period of RP they propose to play.  Maybe it's because the people who RP aren't all that much fans of religion in general, or at least Christianity.  But without one of the dominant forces of influence of the period, you don't really get the period at all.  You just get a fantasy of fictional revisionist history that is anything but Medieval.

Philosophies, Politics and Their Policies - The 'Apples and Oranges' That Drive People Bananas

[The Following comes from way too much time in the rambling politics on my real life FB page. Enjoy or be intrigued, or however, by what you read.]

Or, simply put, the reason to have a standard by which to compare and contrast it all.

First and foremost, it is important to consider what is meant by the old adage that the path to Hell is paved by good intentions.

As a Christian and Catholic, the other thing I personally consider is what did St. Paul mean by saying, "with fear and trembling work out your salvation"?

On the latter, I particularly like the Aramaic English translation that states it as follows:

"with awe and with trembling, do the service of your life."

The pursuit of life is not easy. I'm of particular belief that it was always meant to be a challenge. And one that ought to be taken up. For it is one's life to live, no one else can do it for you. Some might cooperate and work along side you, others might coerce and attempt to make you work for them. But ultimately, it is you, the person living your life, that has to take responsibility for it, and take the actions necessary to do what you have to do for your own salvation, for the core service of your life - only you can pursue your own life and find the happiness and goodness that is sought for whatever that 'good life' may be.

No one individual has the same vision of what that life is. People may have similar views, but not completely the same. We can say that they would have to be robots to have same pattern of thoughts, but as our own technology shows, even core kernels, like that which Microsoft, Macs, and Linux have in common, they also sprout out to do things similar in different ways. And they also follow a pattern of what their creators intended for them to follow. A sort of residual of the 'fingerprint of God', in a certain manner akin to Tolkien's co-creation concept. And yes, I do believe in Tolkien's concept of the 'true myth' - or, as I perceive it, that which has been long since marred and mimicked by the bullshit, but is actually true.

As for apples and oranges? They are both fruits. Similar, but also different, but similar enough to be compared, and have a standard to do so, as well as a standard by which to contrast them. They both have skins, texture, and taste. An apple is a much more firm fruit, somewhat more tart in taste, with a skin that can be eaten. An orange is softer, more citrus and somewhat sour in taste, and a more juicy type fruit, to which most generally do not eat the skin. See? Compared and contrasted by the standards of what they have in common. It's something of value to learn to do, for your own good, at the very least.

But if you say comparing politics and philosophies is in much the same category, I can agree to some extent. But then you have to find a standard to compare and contrast the philosophies, politics, and the policies they lead to. And that is what the Church Fathers did with the pagan philosophies.

Sometimes, it worked out, and, for the things that had been core to Roman municipalities, as well to res publicae, and res comunae, these worked out perfectly for creating the standards of law for the Holy Roman Empire to come, not to mention the core vision of Western philosophy and the social contract of a constitutional governing system with an emphasis on human rights. Where they failed, it led to the 'dark ages' types of societies that preferred the more totalitarian methods of governing - the ones that refused to believe in public domain and would tax the air if they could, but happily taxed the land and claimed their own private domains, and the people upon it their property. And as such, the commons become those by which the totalitarian power can claim right to deprive people life, liberty, and the basic pursuit of living their lives. In other words, Ayn Rand and Margaret Sanger philosophies, policies, and practices would be perfectly ok under a totalitarian state, because the people in power would have every right to consider how to control, and even kill their people, because in a society where the common people are property, they can be discarded in like manner as people do with a 16 oz bottle of pop.

In one instance, you could call them Socialists in the sense of how totalitarian their view of Kingship was as the government over the people. In another instance, you could call them the ultimate capitalists because they viewed everything on their land, including the water, animals, and human beings, as their private property. But, overall, they should be a relatively clear picture of what happens in a totalitarian government, be it that they claim name as 'Socialist' or 'Capitalist' in nature. They both intend to enslave the commons and they both view the commons as their property, be it as servants to the state, or mere chattel that they count per capita - 'for each head', as the Latin term means.

Again, it's your life to live. You can somewhat live in comfort as the chattel or servants of such states of being. Or, you can work out your own salvation, do the service of your life, work out the pursuit of your life, albeit with all the risks that come with doing so. But at least you would be doing such pursuit of life through the principle of liberty. The principles of justice? Well, that and true human and God's virtues remain the struggle to continue to be fleshed out in the spirit of the Lord.

In short, you can try to live for the personalities of others, or you can make of your life what you will on your own terms. Even the saints will agree that, eventually, you have to separate from the icon, and seek out the real deal.

Linda Kellie - You Will Be Missed

I write this blog post, even without really ever getting to know her. However, her charity in freebies have given me an ability to work with things to help create skins  and model avatars with, as well as to help me in building my own places in OpenSim.  Without her work, yes, I do believe I would have had less in my life to help build inspiration, especially at a time when I could use it.  Does that mean I consider her a goddess? Nope.  But I do think heroine does aptly fit her.  I could go into the whole hero's journey to justify why, but I won't.  All I will say is that what she did that positively impacted the metaverse should be given its due merit. That she still has up her freebies for free use is also to her merit as well.

Are people that go about blogging their opinions bullies?  Depends.  It's one thing to critique, and expressing perspective while having facts straight and having an honest agreement or disagreement.  It's another thing to run people down with dishonest accusations and mischaracterizations.  This happens with business, religion, and politics alike.  I have confronted it in two places, even as a Christian among Christians.  Brotherhood takes on a whole different perspective when your 'brother' is calling you a heretic just for having a difference of opinion.  I have been called an extreme liberal by conservatives, and an extreme conservative by liberals - I find both mischaracterizations of who I am amusing at best, and sheer slander from the depths of Hell at worst.  Depends on how well I know the person, and what I feel their intentions are.  But to say it doesn't get to me at times would be lying.  I am, after all human, regardless what I dress my avatars up as.

For those reasons, my sympathies lay with Linda Kellie. I feel bad that I only spoke with her once in a comment on her blog and didn't take her up on her offer to visit her in SpotOn3D.  It was when I finally looked through my email today and worked on updating my premium membership there that I thought to see if she was around.  That's when I found her message on her profile there:

"I am not in any virtual worlds. I did not leave SpotOn3D because I didn't like it here. I loved it here. I hope you will too."

To me, it feels like she was driven from what she loved by the people who hated her.  Having been in that position a few times, both in real life and in Second Life, I can understand that sentiment all too well.  Even people that claim to be the great defenders against bullies show themselves for bullies and do more harm than good.  And yes, I do believe these people had been bullies and ruined it, not just for one person who felt forced to leave the virtual worlds she loved, but also her friends that cared for her.

Of course, people say that this is all 'just a game', that we shouldn't feel sorry for the RP of someone else.  Those are the people who just don't get it.  The metaverse is not a solely a game, not everyone out there is actively RPing in a fantasy setting. Some people interact in the metaverse in real ways, communicating with real people.  They aren't acting out a character for a story arc in a place like Midian or some Star Trek or Star Wars sim or region that is designated for such active story line RP.  Some people are just on there in their avatar to socialize and do a virtual business, or otherwise create, work, play, and communicate in other ways that have nothing to do with roleplaying. And to impose your roleplay on them and claim that is the only way that people can interact on the metaverse is absolutely intolerant and plain stupid. Worse is it is destructive to a human being.

Now I'm not saying I'm perfect and I haven't lashed out at people who have hurt me, actually personally hurt me both in a physical and virtual way.  It's part of our baser nature.  But here's the thing, just because it's part of our nature does not make it good.  There are reasons to hold your tongue, and one indicator that might have one thinking to do so by how much of an ass you felt after saying something.  Sometimes that's not even a good indication either.  Sadly, some people don't even have that sort of asshole indicator in their persona, or otherwise have been taught to ignore it, or even embrace it.  That is unfortunate, for the greatest of asshole is not merely from their words, actions, and deeds, but also in as much as they have no humility to admit when they are wrong and repent from being assholes.

Now, I hope that Linda Kellie, if she were to see this, as me using her name to rant.  It's not my intent.  I honestly feel bad about what happened to her and that I may not get a chance to meet her.  Honestly, I think that she would be someone I'd like to get to know. I just feel bad that the negative drama out there ruined it for here and ruined it for her friends.  I also hope that they find closure and can move on, and that if Linda Kellie does find her way back into the metaverse that she can find the joy that she had before, and much better.   My only advice is to ignore the bullies. Don't let them ruin all the good things and all the good friends that legitimately what to get to know you and see you for the person you are, rather than the persona that they perceive you as.

Imaginative Anarchy Under The Guise of Conservativism

I posted this as a commentary for the following article on The Imaginative Conservative blog here. It was mainly meant to critique on the opposite of a bloated big government, which would be anarchy - though apparently aligns in the article more with wanting bring about a monarchy and new serfdom. I figured I might as well post my comment here on my own blog, for anyone interested.

The Commentary 

Monarchies fought monarchies for power and to grab land from defeated foes.  How is this any different from conservative corporatism, where companies with the most amount of goods fight other companies for power and to grab the property of the companies that they run down and take over? If anything, the sort of conservatism proposed here just plays into the hand of the corporations, making them the new monarchies, while the rest of us become their serfs to no longer be controlled passively by commercial incentive and free market to persuade us of how good they are, but more directly because they privatized the world and put us all on 'term life policies'.

Plus, true democracy is not majority rule.  Populist democracy allows for another check and balance where, if our representatives are misrepresenting us, we can recall them, or put up initiatives to vote on in order to challenge the current policies made by representatives.   Being that it is in the constitution for states and local communities to have their own constitutions and charters, we do have freedom to shape our communities.  If you don't like a community, you can live on your own, or participate as little as possible in community involvement.  Self autonomy is simply self governing. And if you can't govern yourself, then you ought not have right to govern others, regardless of how long or short you're in an office to do so.

As it is, regardless of all this 'anacrhy conservatism', you still have your own community rules here, such as this:

"Please demonstrate a generous spirit in all comments. Comments deemed to violate a high standard of civility or which do not enhance discussion within the Imaginative Conservative community will not be published. Publishing of comments occurs after a brief delay while they await approval of the moderator."

How do you define a 'generous spirit'?  What is the 'high standard of civility' and who makes that judgement on the standard, not to mention whether or not a comment 'enhances discussion'?  The same old "who watches the watchmen" to which comes down regarding any form of government can also be applied here, in this Imaginative Conservative Community.

Obviously there is someone, or a group of someone's in charge here.  Do they follow a monarchy, a democracy, an oligarchy, an aristocracy?  If an anarchy, then how so, especially if any sort of governing system of policy is considered tyranny?  People either agree or disagree to participate in the Imaginative Conservative community, so how could it be anarchic when it compromises individual liberty to give a certain amount of control to the moderator(s) of this community?

I'm trying to be generous, and feel this is a written comment and critique made in the spirit of honesty and generosity.  People are entitled to their beliefs, and I can agree with some aspects of libertarian, but will not forsake a populist, constitutional democracy  and be thrown in the chains of a monarchy because people have abused the system. Neither will I give up my Christian beliefs and become an atheist just because of church and laity abuses.  This is the problem of anarchy in general - that all it seems to be about is giving up, and pretending to be independent while being enslaved by one's own selfishness.

Difference Between Virtual and Real Life costs - Dances

Virtual Dance Animations

-  Single dance animations: free - L$250 (US$1.32*).

-  Group dance animations: free within groups/clubs that make them available, up to L$10,000 (US$40.79*) for purchase of individual HUD packages.

- Investment: Depending on how much you go out virtually clubbing and value individual expression (as well as how you define individual expression and originality), the cost for the latest and greatest dance animations and/or packages can be considered a waste of money or priceless.  When starting out, the freebies are certainly entertaining, and a gateway into the virtual world of animation on the free and open metaverse.  Whether one ventures out to buy the more impressive commercial animations depends on the variables of whether one wants to shell out money for the particular commercial dance or package, or if they want to put in the time to learn a software program that is able to make poses and animations.

On the value of spending money on dances, the factor to consider is that, what is the latest and greatest US$40 package one day, may be resold some months or year or so down the road for at least half as much.  Cost of virtual goods always is a depreciating expense, and you're none the better for it beyond the basic experience that comes from using the animation(s).  However, if you put in the time, and possibly a bit of money invested into learning an animation software, or a multipurpose 3D program like Blender, you have learned a skill that has a certain amount of transferability into real life applications.

Real Life Dance Lessons

- Single/Individual Dance Lessons:  Depends on the instructor, but generally around US$45 - US$65 per hour lesson.

- Group Lessons: Depends on the group, but can be anywhere from free to US$12 per hour session.

- Investment:  For real life dance lessons, the investment is always personal. It's dependent upon what you value more. If you want  the individual attention of a professional instructor for the purposes of honing in on personal dancing skills for a particular dance style or method, then a personal instructor is the way to go.  However, if you are seeking a more social route to either learn the basics or just enjoy learning and improving skills among a peer group of dancers with similar interests in dancing, then group is much better.  Dancing in real life is a use it or lose it sort of deal.  Sure, as you grow older, depending on how one's health depreciates, so too will one's ability to dance depreciate.  However, if you have a passion for dancing, and are willing to commit to the cost of the lessons, for those that enjoy dancing, and work hard to maintain their health and physic as best as possible, the value is priceless.

The point is that your money goes to what you value.  If you're willing to shell out between US40 on up to nearly US$70 (which are fairly conservative estimates, both for virtual and real life), then that is your prerogative. Likewise is true if you prefer to put more time and effort into group/community oriented activities.  What shows, really, and maybe not entirely objectively, but objective enough that generally, the individual activities cost more in money.  The more group/community oriented cost more in time and effort.  This is what investors don't always get.  Well, aside from focusing on the family - often the wealthy, supposedly non-dysfunctional, practically a fantasy family that goes to Church at least every Sunday -, the Dave Ramseys of the world just don't get why community projects and experience is important.  Either that, or they are to focused on partisan politics and counting their money to care about real people beyond a superficial monetary 'need' - and I use the tern 'need' rather loosely here.

*  All exchange to US$ currency is according to current SL lindex Buy L$ calculations as of 8-15-2012, 11:15AM PST.

The information on real life dance prices comes from the web page info Cost in Learning to Dance from the Kansas City Social Dance website, Copyright © 1999. Therefore, current prices may vary.

The Alternative August Update

So what am I doing instead of RP?  Well, various things.  But I'll list them as follows:

1. Haven (Your World!)

It's a relatively new Opensim grid that I find has lots of potential.  It makes me think of the motto that SL used to have of 'Your world, your imagination!'  I suppose it wasn't considered a well targeted slogan, since they have gone to promoting people being a vampire, or a werewolf - something preconceived by what they want you to think you want, or is popular, rather than actually a call to use your imagination.  For that reason, I choose to support Haven and seek to help make a wonderful world within it.  And there are lots of reasons to do so. One of them is the affordability of their premium accounts and regions of land. The prim tier that Haven has is so affordable, it makes the land prices in SL look insanely bloated and overpriced.

2. Craft World

Craft is another new and small Opensim grid that I highly recommend visiting.  You might see me there working on my free home.

3. 3rd Rock Grid

 Remaining my main homestead on the Opensim metaverse, 3rd Rock Grid has a few projects I'm trying to promote.  For one, I continue to develop Jack's Hill, seeking to make it a place where I can relax, as well as accommodate  for a particular creative community that's been of interest to me since I first began in Second Life.  That would be the neko community.  This is prevalent in all grids I'm in in the metaverse, as I'm always a feline hybrid of some sort, be it a cheetah, a tiger, or a leopard.

A more current project is that with trying to bring a presence of Singularity Tribe onto 3RG.  Alexi Ayres has often been an encouraging and inspiring friend for me in SL. I first met her in Tendai while involved with the Combat: Samurai Island community.  From there, I followed her while she was active with Happy Clam and Organica. One night, we were talking about core principles, to which, with the help of others on SL, brought about Singularity Tribe.  I hope to bring about this same creative community in 3RG.  Maybe could expand to the other grids some day, but it's enough of a project to get things started in 3RG first.  Not everyone is interested in Opensim, and grid hopping seems scary at first. So it's one step at a time. First thing's first, was acquiring the Singularity Tribal Land. The basic concepts I've been considering is a natural stage, much like the Gorge at George.  There could even be a portal for a second venue in the sky, a sort of treeship/organic space station with a DJ central hub in the middle.

While I hadn't had a chance to participate a whole lot in the 3RG Virtual Games, I do want to be more active in how I participate on the grid.  Particularly of interest is The Parthenon. It just looks like an incredible venue.  Maybe it could be a place for Singularity to hold flash mobs or raves at. Or it could be a music hall for live performances. Maybe even use it as a theatre for movies or a play, hell, even a comedian or some other live performer - sort of like a 3RG Apollo Theatre style scene or something.

Anyways, these are a few of the things I have going on in the metaverse that I'm seeking to help bear some fruit and flow out in a hypergrid stargate with positive vibes.

Update August 2012

Yeah, I know the title isn't all that innovative, and might not 'sizzle' or attract an audience.  That's never been the purpose for this blog anyways.  If it started out as anything, it first was to express opinions that I couldn't at the time on Flickr without the Midian thought police at the time looking for a way to shut me down.  The ban at the time, around early 2010 RLAD, had effectively shut me out of the city's streets, but it didn't shut me up about the inequities and problems of the day.  They tried to on Flickr, but they couldn't when I moved here.  And effectively, that shut them up.

And then Auntie lifts the ban off of both Ioh and Luke. So now what?

Two years has changed Midian quite a bit.  Jade is no longer the owner, or at least not the main owner, if at all.  Apocalypse, Leviathan, and that hard to pronounce 'Q' - those three regions are all gone. Hybrid factions, including the Catwalkers all seem to be gone.  A good portion of the people that caused drama at the time of my ban are gone.  Some who were perceived drama people at the time have, or so I've been told, either taken up leadership roles or are friends of the new owners of Midian.

What does this all mean?

Good question.

Those that have moved on from Midian, this doesn't mean a whole lot.  The predictions seem to be running their course that indeed Midian has fallen, and may indeed finally go out in a slow and painful death.  So why should anyone that's left or been banned decide to return?  What would be the point, especially if your mind and heart are no longer in it - and especially if you feel better for it?

Truth is, there is no real or good reason to return to Midian, especially if you are tired of or no longer are interested in RP, or at least not the style of RP that has gone on in Midian.  There's plenty of 'dark' urban and post apocalyptic types of RPs out there.  They all generally do the same thing and appeal to the same sort of people that run around in those types of circles.  Once they've drained up the patience of RPers in one region or estate with their constant need for and craving of that addictive side of drama, these people just go on to pillage and plunder elsewhere.  It's funny how they often tend to be the loudest voices and claim to be the ultimate RPer and supporter of a specific region - that is, until the well has dried up and they no longer can get the high they crave from the place they had been oh so loyal to.

And I'll admit, I fell into that trap.  For nearly three years, I was loyal to Midian, for a couple years to NoR, CoLA, and DCS, for a year to Everwind, and a several months to Perdition, Cranberry Cove, and Covenant.  In the beginning, it was performance and enjoying a sense of creative productivity akin to ad lib, or free form/improvisational acting.  At least, those were the more high-minded reasons for getting into RP. That and a belief that such RP would lead to better writing, even creating a collaborative community to experiment on character and story development, having a real time experience of the story arc, and creating the future of fiction though 'living' through it in a more 'realistic' sense.

Sure, some of that was there.  There were people that were creative and claimed, if not actually were involved, in making their own stories.  Who knows?  Maybe there was someone who was a published author, or seeking publication within the mix of the RP population.  But, the words (paraphrased) of Stephen King about what makes a writer of fiction, in that those who want to write, ought write, always stood out.  In that sense, if you want to write to get published, you actually write with the intent to get published.  Still should work in the real world and try to find a day (or night) job to sustain yourself until you become published and can manage to gain enough of an audience or prominence in author circles that your writing becomes self-sustainable.  And let's face it, nothing in our wildest dreams or insane 'creativity' in a virtual world can compare to the real time activity in the real world around us.  Certainly, the risk is greater - particularly if your insane enough to get married in this day and age of no fault divorce and a marriage license being as easily made revocable as a driver's license, and then expect for someone to actually stay with you until death do us part.  As crazy as SL prices are for virtual goods (I'm sorry, US$40 for 52 animations to make your avatar twirl around, dance, and act drunk is insane), real goods in real life are just as insane, and have a greater impact on society as a whole than your whining over not looking like the hottest tart and/or trashiest bitch in the metaverse.  Cry me a river, and, if you could, let that and your bloated ego go to Eggo Waffles and helping out those starving and dying of thirst in the real world because of our excessive culture's political problems and planetary policing with population control for their ultimate end game scenario.

If I learned anything from Second Life and RP, it would be that what goes on in the virtual world mimics the real world.  And I don't want this to mean a negative either.  It's just what is.  And it should not be reduced to wicked and evil things, but considered in good and noble things as well.  If the real world has the good, the bad, and the ugly, so too does the virtual world have the good the bad and the ugly.  There are people out there that want to create a wonderful, honorable, and virtuous real and virtual world that can be shared by all who inhabit it. But there are also people out there that just want to stick with the status quo of vices, prejudices, hatred, fear mongering, and all that is wrong with the world. But this tale of two cities has gone on before Charles Dickens, before Dante's Divine Comedy (which actually split it between Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven), and even before St. Augustine's City of God, which was also sometimes referred to as a tale of two cities. For the Egyptians had the underworld of Duat and heavenly fields of Aaru. The Hebrews that the Jews came from had Sheol and Pardes (the divine orchard/garden, or 'Paradise'/Heaven, as translated and understood in English). Even the Greeks had Hades and Makarion Nesos, which is much like the Irish/Gaelic ifreann and Innisfail- or the Isle of Destiny to which Ireland to this day continues to claim as its true destiny as a great and noble land.  One could say that all this entails everything from human hubris to Manifest Destiny, and that ever looming Emperialism to which Corporatism and Statism have become the heirs of, for better or (more likely) for worse.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against destiny. I do distrust corporate and state destinies in as much as both are devastating to both our independent and collective destinies as individual humans and the whole of humanity.  They can be good, when they are set to work for the people, and not against them - when they serve man, rather than enslave us.  And this too is true about our virtual world. For indeed there are both the cultures cultivated there for both the ends and purposes of serving and enslaving those who participate in them.  The same goods and the same evils grow together, and do what they do under the same real and virtual suns.  And they both work to prove they are right, or hold the greatest might, in similar manners under both lights.

So what does this all mean?

I suppose it's meaningless to some, and meaningful to others. Still others might be on the fence, just trying to figure out where they fit in, if anywhere at all.  For me, the meaning matters when you're willing to make it so.  When you're willing to reach for your destiny, you find meaning, and necessity to prevent others from denying it from you.  Otherwise, if you don't give a damn, you don't care whether you are damned or not, and certainly care not if you, or anyone else goes to Hell.  Further, if you know not either way, it all seems a damned shame to be so troubled and Hell-bent either way.  So why be pulled, or let either take sway?

Maybe some day.

Somewhere, between Heaven and Hell, there is a middle ground.  But this lukewarm lake is neither safe or sound.  It might as well just be a slow boil or swell.  All paths may lead to Rome, but the many wide and winding paths, even those of good intentions can also lead to Hell.  No one ever said that the way to Paradise would be easy.  And keeping that garden and cultivating it is certainly a chore as well.  Living a good and fruitful life (not the good and glamorous 'rock star' life) is difficult, but comes with greater rewards than material riches and wealth can ever provide. To find and prosper in it, whether in the real or virtual life, takes a lot of work and patience.  It also takes discerning what is worthwhile to do and coming to terms as to why.

For these reasons, I find it hard to RP.  It never settled right with me the Midian motto of 'no heroes'. It never made sense to completely focus on the 'dark' and mockingly mimic the light.  It is also reprehensible to me to claim that the night must always be something frightening and bleak, and the day merely just a matter of the court of shades of gray.  There had been rays of hope, here and there, for a fuller story with a truer realism that has nothing to do with banishing ears and tails, but rather coming to a much better understanding of fantasy and fairy tales and their purpose, rather than making them a narrow and bigoted blueprint.

If someone could reason to me why I should honestly and earnestly have hope for Midian, I may take another look at it some day.  But for now, I would rather work on taking charge of my own destiny, and worry about my own lot in life.  I just can't reason putting myself back into that virtual city and its real strife.

As for other places, if you don't believe that any RP can devolve into these things, it may be time for you to get real and get a life.

Cat Napping And OpenSim Chatting

Already said it all here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iohannesii/7723230126/in/photostream/

Might as well shot the pic here as well, in case you don't want to hear my babblings about SL, OpenSim, and whatnot.

Mind Capital

Today, I went to a lunch meeting of a local group that has caught my interest. It offers a place to think, and area to come in to work, for a certain amount of days, depending on membership tier. In a way, it reminds me of Second Life on a few levels. By this, I mean back to the earlier days before it was about making money, but providing a space for creative minds to come together and mesh their ideas together to create brand new worlds on a virtual grid. The biggest contrast I see, thus far, is that this real life is a not for profit chartered group, whereas Second Life is a for profit corporation. Both are incorporated, mind you, but they serve quite different purposes.

I'm more comfortable in a not for profit setting. The difficulty of such is that often such incorporated groups are more of a fee for use, and more about seeking larger membership. In contrast, a corporation is more interested in the profit per capita (the profit per head), which is what capitalism runs upon. This is a very important distinction and contrast to consider, and we'll get back to that later.

This is not meant to be a 'capitalism is evil' rant. I happen to believe that capital is important, particularly in a materialistic world where matter, well, matters. But capital is not the end all, be all of who we are, and what we ought to be as a society. I absolutely refuse to believe that counting heads of people and calculating how the lot of them can make a profit for a company, and how much penny pinching and price gouging has to be done to create wealth for a small few masterminds is the end all, be all of being a human being. No, I believe that there is more to life than that – than to be either the cattle or the handlers that cow people into believing we must militantly follow them, be led by them throughout life, and into the final slaughterhouse that they may or may not have in store for the rest of the world. That sort of mindless control of the masses type capital of current capitalist mentality is not what I find important, but a detriment to society. A detriment no less a danger to society than the socialism they scare the world with. A socialism that they helped build, particularly in the industrial age that it comes out of.

The sort of capital that I do find important is that which we all have. In one sense, yes, it is our heads that stand on our shoulders. In another, it's the very essence and mind that our heads hold in our physical bodies, but we've held for a long time is a thing that our very bodies can't contain, and of that which is beyond the material matter that keeps us grounded. It is a certain essence that guides us, or can, if we so choose to use it and are apt to push beyond the boundaries set before us in the material world.

That is the type of capital that no copyright or corporate terms policy has any license or right to even try to contain. The very uniqueness within us, which also flows without, has no limitations, other than our own doubt. And that is what most corporations try to buy and sell us on, whether they choose to advertize it through creature comforts, or warn us with scares on security – and all the while, little by little, chipping away at our freedom and taking away true peace of mind.

But this isn't what I really want to talk about. I would rather talk about opening the mind, and opening worlds. For when we do open our minds, we open them to these new ways of perceiving, unlocking the path to something so vast that we can't fully comprehend it. Of course, when we do, there is also operating for many of us a fear. Most pivotal of fears for me is going through that portal and the potential that, in coming back, people may exploit it – or even I may exploit it. How does one tap into this vastness and find a way to use it for the better of the society they are a part of, to the benefit of the people and the planet that you call home?

When one asks this question, it is where ideas get grounded. It is here that the policies and systems we work in are founded. For while we can have limitless information, we are also at limited capacity to be able to have all this internalized wealth that comes to our heads from the vast externalities of 'mind capital', if you will, be processed by one single person. It's why we all can use a room to think, and room mates to bounce ideas off of. We are social creatures for a reason, and reason dictates that we must socialize to be at our optimal, if not highest levels of performance and personal being.

I'm not saying that we all must create our own Facebook or Twitter accounts and constantly blog. That is something that a good many of us have done as a matter of attempting to fulfill our social needs, with varying results – both good and bad. The quantitative product of these social media companies is not what fulfills us. It's the qualitative productivity that we put into them that matters. And I think that the companies know that to some extent, at least the smart ones that want to continue to stay in business as leaders and innovators, rather than leaches that latch on for the ride until the scheme is no longer profitable for them. And that is where, at least at the core of concept, for profit and not for profit vary the most. That is to say, while both are focused on heads, one looks to the individual and wonders how they could put that head to use in order to produce and serve both the organization and the community. The other just looks at the head and wonders how to manipulate it in order to take as much as is possible or acceptable without too much cause for protest.

This comes back to the difference between not for profit organizations and for profit corporations. Again, they are both incorporated, and run under charters, bylaws, and all that lovely legalese stuff that keeps lawyers in business. However the difference of focus between profit, and something other than profit does matter. I won't argue that for profit businesses can be charitable, and corporations can have a positive impact, when operating under particular guidelines that regulate in a manner to minimize exploitation and greed. But I think not for profits can come into the public with greater advantage when they have a focus less on the bottom line of profit and seek to focus on how best to serve and provide, both for their internal purposes, as well as the externalities that many for profit corporations refuse to consider and brush off as a problem for someone else. Or, worse, these particular corporations that are run by those few power mongers that want to see the demise of 90% of the human population don't give a damn because the intended results serve the purpose of destroying the people they want to be destroyed in the long run.

This is not to say that not for profits are without their own problems. However, as long as they have people at the core of their interest, and this interest is in empowering the people to grow and develop – to tap into that vast mind capital that no one has, nor should even think they have a monopoly on, then at least they are leaning in the right direction.   

The Cat Man Rising

The Cat's Shadow. A pic of a land sculpt I'd been working on in my OpenSim Standalone.

This past Friday night, I went to see Batman Rising. It was ok. I would recommend it to go see, but I wouldn't say it's the greatest Batman movie ever. But it did what it was supposed to for the final in the Christopher Nolan trilogy of the movie franchise. And he, along with the rest of the cast and crew from these past three movies, do leave with a bang, not to mention a movie legacy standard that will be hard for whoever may take up the Dark Knight's cape in the future to surpass.

I wouldn't be surprised if there is some political relevance to the movie. However, I think Rush's comments are that of a complete moron. Seriously, Bane and Bain Capitol? If anything, Bane as the villain could be as much a jab toward the Occupy Movement or Anonymous than Bain Capital and Romney. However, I'd hardly call Romney a Batman figure, he's much more like the politicians and businessmen in the movie – shifty in their loyalty and truth, and mostly driven by greed. I think it would really be hard to picture most of the wealthy in the world as Batman. It would be easier to see much of the top 10% as a James Bond villain that seeks out global domination, even destruction of the world and 90% of its population in attempts to make their delusional utopia a reality.

As it is, I can relate to Batman. Not that I'm rich, but in that being more in the background type. Sure, I can put on a good front – a 'mask' if you will. But, more often than not, I tend to try to take action, but do the best I can to not be seen. And sometimes people don't understand my motives, or get a wrong idea about me. Yet, I'll even use that to my advantage, even to drive me to do better, while still trying to keep out of the lime light.

It's not easy doing this. Sometimes I find myself reclusive, or at least putting myself in a place where I can be reflective and try to recollect and see where I went wrong, or how to improve things. Can't say that I've been successful with this. Not being a multi-billionaire kind of makes it hard to be reclusive, especially when it comes to finding a job in this economy. But I suppose that's the other thing about Batman, is refusing to be shackled to society and seeking a way to counter those that would have it, and your own life's demise – to find a way to be free, and help others find freedom who want it. That, and to strive to prevent freedom from falling into anarchy.

My characters in SL grew to have these same traits. In RP, Midian was Gotham to me. Ioh developed from a samurai cat to an alley cat thug after joining the Catwalkers gang. That eventually developed into Ioh as a 'prince' from a noble line of werecats that may or may not have been themselves a race of ancient genetic experimentation in the Golden Age of the world. The Catwalkers themselves became more of a mob type family, which itself eventually evolved (or devolved?) into somewhat a Jersey Shore meets Melrose Place type drama fest where it was all about personalities and fashion. Lost was what it meant to be an actual Catwalker, living on the rooftops, trying to keep the humans and others not in the group off said rooftops, and somehow manage to keep balance among the Catwalkers, as well as with the city as a whole.

I suppose being a cat almost automatically assumes the trait of being on the darker side of gray in the post apocalyptic world – especially one where cats, and other hybrids are a second class citizen at best. Yet, even with a parallel to Catwoman in that sense, Batman was a greater leaning for Ioh. Maybe it was the oriental background with the samurai trait he came in with. Could be the developing background story that he became orphaned because his parents were killed before his very own eyes in a gruesome pillaging of his first home village. Maybe even the shadowy figure of a dark knight ninja added to the common mix. Or maybe just because they both wore black, armored gear, and had a relatively practical utility belt of features. Who knows?

What I do know is that I related to Christian Bale's portrayal of Batman/Bruce Wayne, and especially in Dark Knight Rising. Or maybe it's just a matter that the movies reflect transitions for me. Batman Begins came out before I had even heard of SL, but it was no less pivotal in the development of Ioh. The first Matron he knew, Rith, even summarized the dilemma for Ioh when she brought him into the Catwalkers. She noted how that, then, Midian was overrun by all sorts of baddies that had all sorts of weaponry, armor, genetic and biomech enhancements to make it hard to just simply go around hacking and slashing. Enemies could just as easily be within the Catwalkers as they were on the outside. And, just like with Batman, betrayal can be very close, and very good at pretending to be someone who wants to help, even while draining you from the inside out, even trying to rip out your very heart and soul.

All these things did happen until Ioh, and a few other characters I had then were put into exile. They still are to this day. And this is where the comparison contrasts. For unlike the Dark Knight, Ioh doesn't get a chance to rise. He doesn't get to tie up loose ends and move on. At least not in such a fashion as Bruce Wayne is allowed to in the movie. Now, I'm pretty sure I don't want to go back. The Midian that was, is no more. It's essentially a shell of itself. But then, it was never a city to ever be meant to have hope, and was even given the Dante theme for The Inferno of 'abandon all hope.' For many past RPers, that has registered as abandon the RP and forget about hoping to return.

However it be for Ioh, the character, for me and my avatar(s) it's necessary to move on. The Dark Knight Rises at least gives me some closure. And like Bruce Wayne, I hope to step out of the shadows and find something better in life.

And so, here is Ioh, sitting on the highest peak of his homestead on the Open Sim standalone estate. He contemplates what will be of his new life and what he'll do in a new world and how to come to in under a new perspective. His author considers it a new way to create, and further his goal in developing a new world in a new story. This story will be less based on RP, and much more focused on things he could never have in mind within Midian. For that reason alone is it worthwhile to move on from Midian, and out into a brave new world.

Sitting on the highest peak, between the ears of the cat statue.

Making Hair and Using OpenSim Standalone

I sometimes forget I have blog and write about Blogger type things on my Flickr.  This is one of those occasions.  So, if interested in reading more about this, I would suggest to go here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/iohannesii/7530403444/sizes/c/in/photostream/

Back on Track - The New Purpose of this Blog

Yes, I deleted the last post.  It no longer serves a purpose, and certainly not the purpose I want for this blog.  "What is the purpose for this blog?" You may ask.  Well, it's always been about updating the activities of my Second Life avatar, Iohannes Crispien, and, even at times, about my alts there.  But now as I move more away from having much of a presence in SL, it shall have to take on a new purpose. It shall always be a blog for my avatars, particularly Iohannes Crispien, but also Jack Corn, my avatar who is my main and only presence on 3rd Rock Grid, which is currently my main grid.  Within 3RG, I have a few projects under way, which I will update as they progress.  I thought of retro-updating on previous progress on these projects, and I may do so to bring people up to speed on what I am doing in 3RG and other grids in the metaverse.  For now, though, all I will say is that I will keep you all posted, and soon.  For now, take care all my friends!

... and even those few enemies that still hang around for some reason. <.<

Redirection Of Focus On Blogger

It's about time to do something else and make this blog more practical to my current interests.  I don't RP any more, don't hop on SL as much as I used to.  Instead, when I do hop onto a grid, it's usually one of the OS grids.  The top five that I go to are:

1. 3rd Rock Grid - Current home grid.  I have 1/4 land there with 3750 prim allotment for US$20 a month.  Good community, especially for content creators and music/DJ performers.

2. Craft A fairly new grid.  The community is great, and developer friendly.  It is at this point a freebie grid, and the community is not based on commerce, but being open in creation. The only thing that costs money are grids, which are roughly US$25/mo for a public sim and US$35/mo for a private.  However, there are parcels you can rent for 6 months free, sort of like a demo or trial run. The benefits are, though, that you can find a lot of tools and resources to get you started in developing your persona and your world.

3. InWorldz A lot of diverse aspects to this grid.  Mostly a 'tour grid' for me.  Fun events and a lot to explore.

4. Avination Another diverse grid.

5. OS Grid The Open Sim project that started it all.

To Lament On The State Of SL RP

Really, after joining the RPC Website, and looking through their forums, I've come to realize why I rarely if ever RP much any more.  People have become stupid Disneyphiles. Not to mention, Gor is apparently considered actual RP and squeaky clean fun with no hint of BDSM in it at all. Riiiiight! >.<

Ah, but to lament for better days.  This song goes out to those that know what I'm talking about, and can appreciate the parallels between the parody and the current trends of SL RP:

Falling Off The Face Of The Earth

People probably figured I fell off the face of the earth since I haven't been posting on here for a while.  I guess Ioh kinda did. I haven't logged him in for some time on SL, and honestly, I'm not sure what to do with him yet.  For some time, I was preoccupied on Luke, who was doing alright in one RP, until drama took all the fun out of it.  Add to that, a break up of a relationship that was likely doomed from the start, and disappointing another friend I was in a more stable RP relationship at the time, and yeah, Luke winds up lost and out of the RP scene as well.

I also tried picking up another RP with another character, but that kinda flopped too, in a different way.  By that time I was starting to get back into IMVU and, yep another RP relationship that was semi-stable, but not very fulfilling because I knew it couldn't go anywhere beyond IMVU because the other person was engaged to someone else in their real life.  But, I didn't mind it at first, since, to be honest, I was looking more for comfort than a 'real' relationship.  And for a time, I felt I had got what I was looking for. But then, I found someone else that, at the time, seemed more real.

So, again, I break from the more stable relation to pursue this 'real girl', and that was going great for about a month or so. Then, more recently, we started having a few troubles that may or may not have been blown out of proportion, but ultimately led to major drama when none was ever intended.  But what can I expect, despite all the 'I love you's between us, and caring for each other, she just really didn't want anything more than 'just friends'.

And I guess I should have realized that from the start, when we met in what basically is the equivalent in IMVU of a SL adult sim club/pub place.  We had a good time the first night, and I stayed with her and cuddled.  I hate to think of it this way, but that might have been my first mistake, because that was when I started having feelings for her and, I guess then too her for me.

It was a bit rocky at first.  I mean, there were wonderful times then.  We went places, we cuddled, we had fun and talked.  But, on the other hand, she kept to that Pub, claiming it was a friend's place and she felt obliged to look over it for him.  It was a room that she was a moderator for, and she claimed that her role there was to make sure nothing bad happened.  But, I'd see that she was in the room, and often it was with another guy there.  So I hop in, and the first things I hear are emotes of a guy groping her and about to have her way with her - yiffing.

Now the Pub is meant for yiffing, but, this is supposed to be a girl that not only likes me, but claims to care about me and wants to be more than friends.  And, we were beginning to say 'I love you' to each other. Yet, there she is, with this guy about to basically fuck her and I'm supposed to believe that I 'came in at the wrong time' and that she was about to stop him and boot the guy before I came in?  That somehow I was her hero to come in and give her an excuse to get the guy off her?  Yeah, right.  But I bought it, hook, line and sinker. Why? Because, at the time, I was in love! >.<

Of course, she also tried to ease the hurt by saying, 'It's only RP. When I was yiffing him, it didn't mean anything. I was just faking it.'  Of course, that would leave the assumption that, with me, it's 'real' or 'desired'.  But nope, eventually she confessed that at no time, despite even her moments of advances and instigating intimacy, she was faking it.  All she really wanted was cuddles. And that would be fine, except if one only wants cuddles, they shouldn't be yiffing other guys and faking it in the first place!  If you don't like it, don't really want to do it, then DON'T FUCKING DO IT!!!

I mean, hell, a prostitute or whore might fake it and not like doing it, but they at least get paid for doing it.  They don't tell you that they love you and pretend to like it in order to have a relationship with you, and then turn around and say, 'Let's just be friends!'  No, they are honest about what they want and don't waste their time with a John they don't really want.  But no, she waffled with that and kept tugging that 'I love you' or 'I care about you' while just leading me along.

But, anyways, the other aspect was issues of jealousy and trust, which are slightly valid, but not justified to continue this sort of relationship. I'd keep hopping into this Pub room and find her with other guys, and she'd either jump to be with me, or, if she liked the guy, she'd try to get a three way cuddle going.  I wasn't comfortable with this at all, but I went along with it because - yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!' *shakes head*

It finally got too much when she'd have one of those guys with me on the three way cuddle pillow and the guy gropes her right in front of me while I'm right next to her.  I mean, the bastard wanted to finder her, and likely more, and she and him look at me and are like, 'what's wrong?' or 'what's the problem?' And I just want to shout, 'What's the problem? That guy is trying to fucking finger you and fuck you, and you're asking what's fucking wring?!'  Oh, but the place is a yiff joint, so I'm supposed to take that into consideration.  She hadn't yet told me she supposedly fakes fucking and doesn't really like to do it.  It sure as hell didn't seem like she didn't like it the way she carried on with this guy and let him do that shit.  And she has the gall to ask what the fuck's the matter?  Seriously?  The whole damn situation is what's the fuck the matter!  But no, I'm 'just jealous' and I should just go along with it because she's got lots of guy friends and I need to accept that.

BULLSHIT!  I don't have to accept that poor, lame excuse for why one would fake fuck when they supposedly don't like doing that.  I have many girl friends. Doesn't mean I fake fuck them.  Doesn't mean I let them grope me when I have a fucking girlfriend! Oh, but wait, I had a girlfriend then, an RP one that I didn't think cared much for me, but yeah, that's a lame excuse.  So is it lame to keep continuing on with this fake fuck female in a relationship with the excuse of 'but I was in love!'  Those four words are such a poisonous reasoning, but it sells in Hollywood and paperback romance novels.  But it just doesn't go anywhere in reality.  But in virtual reality where reality and false fantasies mix the most, this is the sort of romance that all of us in virtual spaces fall for, and maybe are addicted to.  But that's just rationalizing being a fool.

But, at least in the Pub, the fake fucking came to an end.  I guess she considered us more serious at the time.  And maybe we were.  She started her own PG room, so no yiffing might potentially happen.  Just cuddles, if one were to take the room at face value.  The problem is that with IMVU, you can be in PC, or Private Chat with virtually anyone.  I 'could' take at face value that her being in a cuddle with some other guy in the room is just her being nice to a friend, and just wanting to comfort that friend.  And if mention is to them being in PC, or the indicators of taking a long time to say something, or otherwise being distracted by something, I should just take it at face value that they are 'just talking'.  I'm not supposed to believe that she's not possibly in that PC doing what she used to do at the Pub, the things I actually caught her doing, which doesn't take into consideration what she may or may not have been doing while I was away, working on rl issues, struggling myself with real problems, which I thought she cared about, because she claimed she loved me.  But apparently not enough.

Funny thing is, what started the end was one night after intimacy, to which it seemed she fell asleep during, and to which I texted her good night and went to sleep, still in the private room with her, mind you. Still cuddled up with her and holding her in my arms. And I even said, 'I love you' and kissed her good night.  But, I crash overnight. My phone was silent and not in the room I was sleeping in. And she texted me several times, I guess frantic to know where I was.  In the morning, I finally get the texts, and message her that I'm sorry, but I crashed and didn't notice until I woke up, and that I'd be on later that night.

So I get back on later that night, our couple pic out of her profile pic and puts one up of some angsty demoness girly all emo, hugging her knees and all sob story looking.  Where I once was on her list of friends, and having a heart next to my name, she took that out.  Where she once had her tag line claiming to love me, she put up, 'Love is a joke, and your heart the punchline.'  All that because I went to sleep and my internet crashed.  That broke her down and was the absolute worst thing that could happen to her - I hurt her.  Yep, I'm this horrible monster that hurt her because I went to sleep and *OMG!!!* my internet crashed.  The whole world of our loving relationship crashes down and comes to an end because of that.

I find this tragically funny now (not a lol funny, the odd, WTF?! ironic type), because she's fallen asleep on me, and she's crashed while we had laid idle cuddled together, and I thought nothing of it.  After all, if she legitimately crashed or fell asleep, she wasn't fake fucking or cuddling with some guy - unless I happen to have found her in the Pub or her room with some guy with his arms wrapped around her, which I did, TWICE!  But no, if I dare make mention of it, I'm just a jealous asshole. But if I fall asleep ONCE, if I crash and go offline ONCE, it's the end of the fucking world!

So please, would some rational person tell me, am I insane to feel jealous after all this? I already understand I'm insane for continuing in this toxic relationship with an immature girl that, although she claimed to care for me, did so many fucked up actions that, I think, any sane person would realize are fucked up and move on.  That is, unless they were like me, and still held the 'but I was in love!' banner.

And yep, we talked, and for one night, I foolishly brought her back in my arms, wanting to love her.  She said then that, despite my end of the world 'hurting' her, bringing her to tears and tremors, that she still wants me. I should be flattered with that right?  Well, the fool that I am, I was!  So, we come to peace that night, only have it all fall to pieces the next day.

But, we'll back up.  First, I find her again in her room with a guy holding her and all snuggled up. And finally, instead of just closing out the room, I finally come unglued and snap at her for being in that guy's arms, telling her how that guy's my fucking replacement, and she knows it.  And why shouldn't I believe otherwise?  She'd been with that guy in her room for several days, for several long hours, and that bastard was ALL OVER HER!  He's her Mr. White Knight in shining armor, her defender from terrible tyrannical me.Me, who's worst crimes were being 'too jealous' about seeing her nearly getting fucked and groped by other men, and one time going to sleep and having my internet crash while idling with her.  Yep, I'm the evil villain here.

We had made peace that night, though. Because, yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!'  Funny is, all during our peace making, she was still in her room with Mr. White Knight.  I go into her room the next day, she's cuddling another guy.  This time, from all the potential indicators that seem reasonable to believe, this guy was having real problems and needed a friend to cuddle.  So, that, I merited with her 'big heart'. Such a wonderful friend she is. That is, to everyone but me, who she once said 'I love you' to.

A little later, sad friend went off to be alone. A little after that, fictional father comes into the room and decides to take matters into his own hands, telling me to leave this girl, because I've 'hurt' her. I've hurt her soooo badly from that one night of falling asleep and having my network crash ONCE. I'm such an evil creature because of that, I must break up with her.  Now, in hind sight, he's right. I should have, if I were a reasonable, sane person, have broken up with her that night that I first caught her about to get fake fucked by a guy she claimed not to care about, and almost had me, the guy she claimed to care about just watch, because it's her job to make everyone happy.  Everyone but me, apparently. The one she claimed to love and care about.  My feelings were nothing compared to strangers and everyone else that were her friends.  I was just that guy she said 'I love you' to.  I didn't matter.  Only if I'm jealous of the bullshit she put me through (and yes, I'm at fault for continuing to go through it), and if I dare to fall asleep on her or if my connection does the ultimate and dies on me, I'm the evil asshole that 'hurt' her.  Never mind all the damn fucking times she's hurt me, and I tried to fight it all back because of that foolish excuse of being in love. Nope, I'm the evil bastard.

So, after my connection goes out, which seems to have a wonderful way of disconnecting at the worst of times to do so, I go to the coffee shop to see about making amends because..., yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!'  But I go into her room, and Mr White Knight's already threatening to flag me for 'harassment', despite that this girl asked me to come back to talk.  She was still AFK, so couldn't say anything.  And Deputy Dipstick keeps ranting about how she doesn't care for me and wants me to leave.  He then gets all creeper and hugs up cuddly with her, obviously trying to grate at my last nerves and get me jealous.

For such actions, you'd expect for my love to come to my side and defend me against such angry and unfounded attacks, but no.  She just excuses him as being concerned about her and wanting to protect her.  Of course.  Because he's the fucking one that wants to REPLACE ME!  But my love never got it through her thick skull. And finally, after arguing for a few hours, she just goes to 'let's just be friends!'

FUCK THAT!  All her friends hate me now.  How can I be a friend in that scenario.  I can't be in the same room with her because her friends will just drop in and try to start fights with me.  Mr. White Knight will want to be there to cuddle up to her and try to make me jealous.  And even if we tried to go somewhere else, she'll still want to be with all those friends that hate me.  Despite saying she doesn't like crying in front of her friends, she'll run to them and get her little pity party pose together and let them tell her what an evil bastard I am if I dare 'hurt' her again.  Fuck that, I'm not in love any more.  So I finally did the smart thing and left her.  Yes, I probably should have done it sooner, but finally, I'm free from the insanity of that fucked up love.

And that's all for the drama that has been my virtual life since I fell off the face of the earth. :p

Kill the Bill say No to SOPA and PIPA

I'm all about artists getting credit for work, they should get their due.
But to compromise the liberties of everyone, to serve so few?
It's rank foul a stench, it just makes me go pew!
A corporate industry trying to screw over people?
Well, that's nothing new.

Protect our online rights, urge your representatives to kill the bill on SOPA and PIPA.

http://vimeo.com/31100268