Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I remember when MJ said he'd do it, that he'd copy my blog posting to PDF. And on recent searching of Ioh's name, I found this:
Thus, even while I deleted the posting here on the Acta, this is still floating about on the web.
But that's fine by me. I have nothing to hide even now. But, after over a year since posting it, and nearly two years since the final fallout, Things have changed enough in my life to be able to re-read it and reflect a bit.
While I may have nothing to hide, it doesn't mean that I don't regret the things that happened to bring us from that 'in love' feeling to being so out of it. And despite a still common opinion that I just left, not just Bails, but Midian itself, because I wasn't getting my way, it was never how I intended things. It's just how things 'progressed', and not in a positive way.
There's people that are angry at me to this day, and likely will never speak to me again. And that's fine. I can't change that. The difference having been felt were that some of these people are people that I once trusted and cared for. They likely don't believe that I ever did, and I can't change their feelings and opinions on the matter. So I won't try. If they choose some day to talk, and not make it into some drag out drama or argument, I'll consider talking to them, maybe even friend them again. But I'm not going to force the issue.
Some people might consider it caving if indeed I did talk to them again, and especially if I were to ever become friends again with them. But I just can't close the door completely on people. I might lock it for a while if I feel that's the best thing to do, for both our sake and sanity.But I can never keep it fully closed to anyone. Not to say it's completely open, but it's not completely closed either. Only time and circumstances can tell what will be the end result, on if the door remains open or is shut completely. But I'm not about to go seeking out anyone. They know where to find me.
The main reason I post this is as a reminder, first and foremost to myself. One aspect is that nothing that goes out on the web is ever fully taken off. There's still some residuals, even if such things may be linked or copied, as well as what memory other people choose to keep. That being said, few things are private in a web community, and many things can come back to haunt you. But, they can also be reminders of how things used to be. And not just the bad stuff, but even the good.
And maybe, just maybe, can learn from those things that stick in the web how to work towards preventing the bad stuff from happening again, and consider ways to bring out the good stuff that makes a life (both virtual and 'real') worth living.