A friend on my FaceBook put this clip up:
I haven't seen Garden State before, but this scene kinda hits me. Probably because of some crap I've been through lately. Frustrations in certain things I've tried to do, and everything I worked on being just tossed. And there is that sense of being there, but not really. Like there was an idea, but it's getting lost.
The intro to the pool scene, where everyone but Largeman jumps in is kinda where I've been at. Everyone's jumped into an idea, or made up their own world, their own pool, that largely is theirs. And I'm looking at it, and while I'd once seen the idea, or thought I had ideas for how I could be in that pool, I can just see myself looking like some 'wet beaver.' And I know how to swim just fine, thank you.
But to some extent, I did jump in, with encouragement of people I've considered friends. Or at least one. But I didn't lose that 'wet beaver' aspect, and wound up on one side of the pool away from everyone else. Despite encouragement, even compliments, and told how wonderful my ideas were. Nothing really has stuck. Instead, pretty much everything has been thrown to the side, and I'm the one that's supposed to accept it all. Pretty much, all I got is a damn sympathy vote keeping me anywhere in this pool.
I can't help but feel that any idea of home is gone. Sure, I've rented, paid rent in this place, put up my ideas, tried to promote things. And what do I get for it? Told that I've got great ideas, but no, they're not usable. They need to change. 'We' think, and yet, I get two separate views from those that are in this royal 'we' usage and dictator-like authoritarian crap I get on one end. And yet there is the other that encourages me, tells me that I'm doing great things. And I'm like, "Well which the fuck is it?!?!"
I feel like one side of this 'we' wants to send me out packing from town, while the other side wants me to be a part of things. And I'm so damn confused and frustrated. I don't know which side to believe. I don't know if it even matters any more. Because no matter how many times I'm told how wonderful I am, just as many times I'm told how horrible I am. And this isn't even starting with my own damn mind in my own damn thick ass skull.
So I don't know what to do. I'm writing in my journal this because it's at least better than trying to rant to individuals that I don't know if I should trust. And I'm trying to keep this as general and ambiguous as possible, while still getting the bullshit out into something cohesive and constructive. But one side may just continue to say that whatever I type is dung and hating me all the more. At this point, anything I say will not change that. So I'll say what I have to say here, because it is one place they can't play that authoritarian bullshit on me. Because this is my blog, not theirs. This is where I should be able to have my say, and not be told, "No, you're not doing what we want you to do!"
I hate that royal 'we' bullshit. Or saying "We're all part of a team," when you really mean that you, the one using the 'we' is the lead bully that wants everyone to conform to your way of thinking. Or to be all authoritarian about guidelines and try to micromanage a person to death. I don't consider that wanting people to work as a team. Not when every damn thing I've worked for has practically been thrown out the window. It feels more like trying to throw me into place, and that place, from what it's looking, is not within the pool. Nope, I wasn't wanted in the pool, in the first place is the message I'm getting. Why should I join that sort of team? A team I consider more of a dictatorship with me the unwanted minority. Why say, 'Come be a part of the team!' when you really mean, 'Get the fuck out of Dodge!'?
The more things continue this way, the more I believe I don't belong in the pool. So maybe it's about time to just get out of the pool and find my own swimming hole elsewhere.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
To be a hybrid or not to be?
That is a question. It's one that comes up often in SL, particularly in RP, though sometimes in non-RP areas as well. It's kind of a mixed bag, regardless of whether you RP or not. Though I would say that there is more room to move about as a hybrid in general SL than RP.
Why is it harder to RP as a hybrid character? It's both a mixture of IC and OOC issues. ICly, if you play it right, a hybrid is somewhat like a second class citizen in RP. I tend to consider it much like African Americans from Civil War times on up to the Civil Rights. I'm not saying a Hybrid has to be African American, nor originate out of Africa, though Ioh does happen to derive from North Africa in the area around where St. Augustine of Hippo came from. There's many reasons for that choice beyond some connection to a 'out of Africa theme. And those choices are personal and intimate to Ioh's character. But this I think is not so uncommon for most mature RPers. If you want a 'real' character, one that comes 'alive', you have to put that sort of depth and history into a given character you choose to create. I could have just as easily made him some African tribesman, or Hungarian Viking, and all this would still apply. Whether black, white, furry leopard hide with spots. There has to be some sort of realism/verisimilitude to the character for someone to buy in to their authenticity.
This by no means implies 'acceptance'. At the very least, I am not asking for a favorable reception of my character from all other characters he comes across. And, honestly, I never did find that ever to be the case in places like Midian, where there was the UAC actively persecuting hybrids, and Human's First that was a political activist movement against hybrids. These may, or may not have been OOC realities of the persons behind the characters in these given groups, but they were very real reactions within the IC. They were things that Ioh had to interact with, and chose how to respond. And I was fine with that, as it was all part of the story. It was part of how the RP worked.
But, it's not just on the human side of things that hybrids have difficulties. There are also the characters that are under a mask or stay hidden in the shadows. Is it fair to have lycans always hiding their beast-like appearances when a hybrid can run about with ears and tails? Why can't a vampire always show their fangs and be all vampirey all the time? Or what about fae and glamour?
These are all good questions, and on the surface, it may seem like a hybrid gets favorable treatment to be able to have their ears, tail and fur shown to everyone. But if that's the case, then why is it that hybrids have to be limited to a second class citizen and constantly being questioned about whether they are more animal or beast - whether they have a soul and can have equality with humans. Consider then, that the non-human races that can more easily disguise themselves have it better off. They can hide what they are and not have to deal with the constant questioning out in the open. Sure, they may have ideas that humans would not accept them, but hybrids know for a fact that they are not accepted. They are confronted with it. The discrimination is right out in the open as much as their particular features are there to be examined and disapproved by a human oriented society. All the other non-human races that can hide themselves get a pass from such open hostilities, for as long as they can keep their existence hidden.
Of course, the other races may question, "Why hide?" If they are indeed so superior to humans, then why hide? This is always a curious question. The Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs explores this concept pretty well. At the beginning of the series, the fae wind up having to come out. It started with a case where a fae was put on trial for murder. It wasn't known at the time that the person suspected of being the murderer was fae. He was a gardner for some rich person, and this person got murdered by use of gardening shears. The only way to prove the gardener's innocence was for him to drop his glamour to show what he is. For, as a fae, he could not use items made of metal, so he couldn't possibly have used the shears without them harming him.
The story goes on to talk of how the werewolves decided they had to come out. And yes, there was conflict there, even among the wolves as some of them did not want the wolves to be outed to the public. Part of this was from watching the treatment of the fae, how in many places, humans sought to harm them due to fears and prejudices. Of course, the not so great history of the fae and their encounters with humans don't help much either. Yet the Gray Lords deemed that lesser fae, such as brownies and whatnot out themselves. Eventually, for 'security reasons' the fae were placed in reservations, and, while outed, they generally keep to themselves. The wolves against werewolves being outed did not want to go through such things. Yet, there were wolves in certain professions of law and medicine that were realizing that the abilities of modern technology were starting to make it harder for them to stay secret for much longer.
And so the Marok, the head wolf of the North American Werewolves selectively had certain wolves come out to act as representatives of the werewolf population. They put on the front that wolves are protectors - they are among your cops, your military, your firefighters - and are all out to serve and protect as outstanding heroes in your community. Of course, wolves have many dark elements underneath that front. But that is how the Marok chose to portray the wolves in hopes of trying to gain acceptance for the existence of werewolves among human society. Yet, there were opposing groups that looked to find instances of werewolf attacks, and other ways to discredit the werewolf image. More so, laws were being pushed to consider that werewolves are more animal, or at least not human enough to be regarded as citizens or to have equal rights to humans.
Vampires in the Mercy Thompson world did not want to be outed at all. After all, it becomes harder to feed off humans when they become aware of what you are. And despite their greater strength, it just wouldn't benefit them to wipe out their food. So they came to prefer the shadows over coming to the light. The obvious reason about light and all is because most vampires are not able to go out by day, unless they want to die - er, no longer exist to be animated undead.
For me, you cant spotlight just one race, such as hybrids, and say because they can do something another race can't (such as have ears and tails showing) , and call it unfair or preferential treatment. In the long run, and looking at each particular race from its own individual traits and unique aspects, you can't say that is being treated with more or less preference. They each have their own abilities, their own reasons to do things, their own motive and individual characters and depth of play.
If there's anything I would ask of a human, or non-human, but also non-hybrid character to consider is that it's quite alright to have IC reasons to hold prejudice against hybrids. It's another thing to hold them in OOC. If you would like to have hybrids as part of the general reality of your RP, then by all means. I may even enjoy RPing there. But, don't measure the quality of a hybrid, or any character by the personal perceptions that come from a singular experience or stereotype. Be true to your character's genuine reactions, but don't let that flow into OOC. Assuming we all want to make good stories, we have to step away from the first person or our character and take a look at the big picture as well.
However, I will admit that I have my particulars. They almost have become personal rules. If I find a place doesn't fit how I would like to RP, then I move on. It's a hard road to travel on, and it often can leave me with times when I can't find places to RP. But, I figure it's a quality measure. If I can find a place with the right balance for my character and can enjoy the RP there, then isn't it worth the wait? It's a discerning, not a discriminating, to be able to know when a place fits for your character or not. It's similar when it comes to creating a place as well. You;re choosing, you're discerning what is going to be the reality of the place you're trying to create. Granted, it gets frustrating as a seeker who's found so many places that look nice, but don't fit, or seem to not want me to fit. It's also hard on the other end when you try to fit as many as possible, but still try to figure out how to maintain the integrity of the RP. And let's face it, RPers can be very picky.
Why is it harder to RP as a hybrid character? It's both a mixture of IC and OOC issues. ICly, if you play it right, a hybrid is somewhat like a second class citizen in RP. I tend to consider it much like African Americans from Civil War times on up to the Civil Rights. I'm not saying a Hybrid has to be African American, nor originate out of Africa, though Ioh does happen to derive from North Africa in the area around where St. Augustine of Hippo came from. There's many reasons for that choice beyond some connection to a 'out of Africa theme. And those choices are personal and intimate to Ioh's character. But this I think is not so uncommon for most mature RPers. If you want a 'real' character, one that comes 'alive', you have to put that sort of depth and history into a given character you choose to create. I could have just as easily made him some African tribesman, or Hungarian Viking, and all this would still apply. Whether black, white, furry leopard hide with spots. There has to be some sort of realism/verisimilitude to the character for someone to buy in to their authenticity.
This by no means implies 'acceptance'. At the very least, I am not asking for a favorable reception of my character from all other characters he comes across. And, honestly, I never did find that ever to be the case in places like Midian, where there was the UAC actively persecuting hybrids, and Human's First that was a political activist movement against hybrids. These may, or may not have been OOC realities of the persons behind the characters in these given groups, but they were very real reactions within the IC. They were things that Ioh had to interact with, and chose how to respond. And I was fine with that, as it was all part of the story. It was part of how the RP worked.
But, it's not just on the human side of things that hybrids have difficulties. There are also the characters that are under a mask or stay hidden in the shadows. Is it fair to have lycans always hiding their beast-like appearances when a hybrid can run about with ears and tails? Why can't a vampire always show their fangs and be all vampirey all the time? Or what about fae and glamour?
These are all good questions, and on the surface, it may seem like a hybrid gets favorable treatment to be able to have their ears, tail and fur shown to everyone. But if that's the case, then why is it that hybrids have to be limited to a second class citizen and constantly being questioned about whether they are more animal or beast - whether they have a soul and can have equality with humans. Consider then, that the non-human races that can more easily disguise themselves have it better off. They can hide what they are and not have to deal with the constant questioning out in the open. Sure, they may have ideas that humans would not accept them, but hybrids know for a fact that they are not accepted. They are confronted with it. The discrimination is right out in the open as much as their particular features are there to be examined and disapproved by a human oriented society. All the other non-human races that can hide themselves get a pass from such open hostilities, for as long as they can keep their existence hidden.
Of course, the other races may question, "Why hide?" If they are indeed so superior to humans, then why hide? This is always a curious question. The Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs explores this concept pretty well. At the beginning of the series, the fae wind up having to come out. It started with a case where a fae was put on trial for murder. It wasn't known at the time that the person suspected of being the murderer was fae. He was a gardner for some rich person, and this person got murdered by use of gardening shears. The only way to prove the gardener's innocence was for him to drop his glamour to show what he is. For, as a fae, he could not use items made of metal, so he couldn't possibly have used the shears without them harming him.
The story goes on to talk of how the werewolves decided they had to come out. And yes, there was conflict there, even among the wolves as some of them did not want the wolves to be outed to the public. Part of this was from watching the treatment of the fae, how in many places, humans sought to harm them due to fears and prejudices. Of course, the not so great history of the fae and their encounters with humans don't help much either. Yet the Gray Lords deemed that lesser fae, such as brownies and whatnot out themselves. Eventually, for 'security reasons' the fae were placed in reservations, and, while outed, they generally keep to themselves. The wolves against werewolves being outed did not want to go through such things. Yet, there were wolves in certain professions of law and medicine that were realizing that the abilities of modern technology were starting to make it harder for them to stay secret for much longer.
And so the Marok, the head wolf of the North American Werewolves selectively had certain wolves come out to act as representatives of the werewolf population. They put on the front that wolves are protectors - they are among your cops, your military, your firefighters - and are all out to serve and protect as outstanding heroes in your community. Of course, wolves have many dark elements underneath that front. But that is how the Marok chose to portray the wolves in hopes of trying to gain acceptance for the existence of werewolves among human society. Yet, there were opposing groups that looked to find instances of werewolf attacks, and other ways to discredit the werewolf image. More so, laws were being pushed to consider that werewolves are more animal, or at least not human enough to be regarded as citizens or to have equal rights to humans.
Vampires in the Mercy Thompson world did not want to be outed at all. After all, it becomes harder to feed off humans when they become aware of what you are. And despite their greater strength, it just wouldn't benefit them to wipe out their food. So they came to prefer the shadows over coming to the light. The obvious reason about light and all is because most vampires are not able to go out by day, unless they want to die - er, no longer exist to be animated undead.
For me, you cant spotlight just one race, such as hybrids, and say because they can do something another race can't (such as have ears and tails showing) , and call it unfair or preferential treatment. In the long run, and looking at each particular race from its own individual traits and unique aspects, you can't say that is being treated with more or less preference. They each have their own abilities, their own reasons to do things, their own motive and individual characters and depth of play.
If there's anything I would ask of a human, or non-human, but also non-hybrid character to consider is that it's quite alright to have IC reasons to hold prejudice against hybrids. It's another thing to hold them in OOC. If you would like to have hybrids as part of the general reality of your RP, then by all means. I may even enjoy RPing there. But, don't measure the quality of a hybrid, or any character by the personal perceptions that come from a singular experience or stereotype. Be true to your character's genuine reactions, but don't let that flow into OOC. Assuming we all want to make good stories, we have to step away from the first person or our character and take a look at the big picture as well.
However, I will admit that I have my particulars. They almost have become personal rules. If I find a place doesn't fit how I would like to RP, then I move on. It's a hard road to travel on, and it often can leave me with times when I can't find places to RP. But, I figure it's a quality measure. If I can find a place with the right balance for my character and can enjoy the RP there, then isn't it worth the wait? It's a discerning, not a discriminating, to be able to know when a place fits for your character or not. It's similar when it comes to creating a place as well. You;re choosing, you're discerning what is going to be the reality of the place you're trying to create. Granted, it gets frustrating as a seeker who's found so many places that look nice, but don't fit, or seem to not want me to fit. It's also hard on the other end when you try to fit as many as possible, but still try to figure out how to maintain the integrity of the RP. And let's face it, RPers can be very picky.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Apologia
First things
first. This is not meant so say, “I'm sorry.” It is just to
explain. I'm not asking for forgiveness, nor do I expect for much to
change from putting this up in the Acta. But I'm putting it up
anyways. It's how I do things.
The first part
goes to Midian. Ioh had spent three years there. Had become a
prominent character there. Have to admit, I did like some of the
prestige that came with it. Doesn't mean I liked everything about
it. Nor did I like everything Ioh did. But he did what he did. I'm
not going to defend nor deny him as a character. He was who he was
there. OOCly, I got into a few arguments. Bit off more than I could
chew, and, certainly, the whole drama with Bails blew a lot of cans
out of the water.
Towards the end, I
resented a lot of things. Was very angry, and hurt. I lost a lot.
Sure, some of it was from my own pride, and letting the anger and
hurt guide me. I shouldn't have, but I did. Even so, I will not retract
the Latin in which I essentially said Midian must be destroyed. Why?
Because it was true. And apparently, Midian itself came to realize
that. The Midian that was at the time indeed needed to be destroyed.
To that end, Levi,
then Apoc faded away from the landscape, as far as I understand.
Now, most RP in the reboot is centered around the main sim. Before,
that's generally what happened anyways. Granted, when Midian had a
population to where when Midian main became full, Apoc would find
some people to head there, and certain factions and events made sense
over there. But, Levi had spread things too thin, and brought in
things that didn't quite mix too well with the general theme of
Midian. Sure, Levi had more of an appearance of Blade Runner, but not
quite the theme of Midian. Blade Runner itself wasn't all that much
about Nazis either, nor about holding hybrids as slaves. Blade
Runner had more to do with cyber punk. It is a (as in once of many) post apocalyptic theme
where cyborgs that were aging were going mad and growing murderous as
they sought out to rid themselves of the aging process and seek out
survival as near immortals. This is hardly the theme of Midian –
at least not a main theme. There were all sorts of stories within a
diverse number of themes that happened in Midian 2.0 (Midian 1.0
being the sky box, and the reboot, somewhat of a 3.0 - but it seems like it may be more like a 2.1). One of the
themes had to do with hybrids, to which Ioh was a part of.
Now, I'm not going
to lament the sanitizing that has happened to hybrids. Maybe it was
time to put an end to some age-old rumblings in the city. Although,
there should be no surprise that new rumblings will likely arise in
the reboot as well. But, I will say that the destruction of Midian
was needed, and Midian came to believe that too, even if it came from
the bad economy irl. Certainly an irony in itself, what with all the
talk of how OOC should never effect IC, and you can't get much more
of an example of OOC doing just that than a sour economy taking down at least two expansion sims.
One can say what
they want about my drama doing harm to the sim. But Midian was already
heading for a fall before I did. I just happened to point that fact out
one too many times. It's just funny that it turned out that the only
way to (possibly) save Midian was to do something I said ought to be
done, in that Midian must be destroyed. Now that it pretty much has
been destroyed, the question I have now is what will happen in the
reboot? Will it provide sufficient enough change to bring Midian
back to life?
Oddly enough, I
hope so. Even if Ioh may never be able to set foot in Midian again.
I hope some good will come out of the destruction of Midian. And no,
I'm not asking for Ioh to be able to return. And certainly, I am not
begging and pleading for such. As far as I'm concerned, Ioh's
time in Midian has passed. It would take certain things that I don't
percehF� happenin� any t�me soon, if ever, to happen. The biggest
one being a lift of the ban upon him.
Of course, with
Midian, there also comes Bails. She had an impact on my life for
nearly a year. Ten months to be exact. That's the longest running relationship I have had ever. I had a couple that were promising
after that, but didn't quite work out. So even though there can be
some resentment in admitting it, Bails was among the best I've ever
had. And yeah, I blew it. Big thUw.
No, I'm not going
to ask for her back. No begging, no pleading. What we had is lost
and I'm certain it can't be recovered. And I won't ask of it.
Regrets? Plenty. But there's nothing to be done about it now. It's
in the past. I have to be in the present. I may hope for a better
future, but I'm not holding my breath for any reunion to happen
between me and Bails. What's been said has been said. And
apparently some of it can still be found of a PDF made of a long
since deleted post I had in the Acta. I won't say any more on it.
If you're really that curious about it, you can do a search, if you
like. Finding it was partly what inspired this apologia. Just felt
I ought to update where I'm at on things. People will make their
judgments regardless what I say, but I'll have my word. I'll speak
my voice. Because I have one. I just don't mean any ill will to
anyone by saying what I have to say. That goes for you as well,
Bails, if you happen to read this. I mean no ill will to you either
and hope you're getting along fine now.
Amara. If there's
anyone I feel an 'I'm sorry' type apology should go to, it would be
to you. In what way? I'm sorry that things have led to some
disappointments in the Project, and I'm sorry I can't help give you
more than words of advice on things. You are a dear friend, and I
really hope you the best. You are in my thoughts, and I have hope
for good things to come to you. Maybe I should just be
straightforward and say, “Stop worrying!” But I don't know how
much that would help. But, if it means anything, I hope that it does
help.
Beast. I do miss
you. Been so long since we've RPed, let alone talked much. Things
had always been kinda quirky with us. But eh. Guess it is what it
is. You were my first Kitten in the Honorarium, and I can never
forget you, regardless of all the stupid shit I put you through.
Maybe we kinda put ourselves though it. Though we did have some fun
times along the way. You taught me that people from Main are indeed
insane, but funny as hell too! I'm sure you might want to kill me
after I say this, but I'd let you take all of Ioh's nine lives so I
could tell you I still care for you, you crazy bish cat! XD
Ok, fine. I'll add
it. Not only were you the first Felix, you were also the Felix who's
memory they all had to contend with. All of them had a bit of
something that reminded me of you, Beast. But none of them were you.
None of them ever could be. And only maybe one of them could
possibly understand this. But I still care for you and hold a piece
of you in my heart. Call me insane, or too much of a sentimental
bastard, but hey, as long as you still call me, I'm fine with that.
Elise. It's hard.
Ioh considered you the Godmother in dual capacity, as Matron and as
his Godmother in the Midian Baptism. My biggest regret is knowing
that someone I thought in many ways as a mothering sort of soul had
to come to hate me so vehemently. I don't know if it will ever
change. And I can't ask it of you, nor anyone to do something their
heart won't allow them to do. Just know that, despite it all, I did
respect you, even if it apparently didn't come out that way.
Eamon. I said
much of my raw, wounded feelings about things already. No, I'm not
going to take those out of my postings here just yet. As much as I
don't like those feelings, they were earnest for what they were.
That feeling of being betrayed and having so much taken out from
under me. Much of it had little to do with you. There were
certainly some personal areas. But I did once trust you and
considered you a fatherly figure in RP. May not mean anything any
more. But it was what it was.
Ashur. You may
find this apologia betraying yourself. But, I just can't hold these
things much longer. Sure, a lot of things were screwed up in Midian
when we were there. A lot of things are probably screwed up in
Midian now. But, I just can't hold all those things in. People are
assholes, including me. We do stupid things. Like the people that
keep calling to activate their cards, even though the sticker says
nothing about having to do so. And how these people get angry at you
for just doing your job. And I'm fairly certain that a few of those
cranky sorts have tried to get me fired just for doing my job.
It's much like
rooftop patrols as a Catwalker. People knew we were up there. They
got warnings about getting on the roofs, and we're hated for doing
our jobs in keeping people off the rooftops. And yet, people tried
to get us fired. And sadly, people succeeded in doing so. But even
so, I can't stand to continue being angry over it. We got screwed,
and not in the best way. But, maybe forced leave from Midian was the
best thing? Only time can tell. But I do miss RP with you, and hope
things are going good with you.
With Chamber, I
regret that I couldn't do more. Yet at the same time, I only heard
about what things may happen through rumors first. And when I asked
what I could do to help, it went from asking to try to build up
traffic to trying to help pay for the sim, and with a limited time to
do so. I really wanted things to work though. They just didn't.
Custos Noctis. I
was glad to be a part of it. Even lead it. Now, regardless of what
anyone says, whether the Catwalkers or otherwise, I never asked, nor
wanted to be Patron. But I became Praetor of the Custos Noctis,
which made Ioh basically the same thing as a Patron. It was an
enjoyable role, and I have all in the Custos Noctis to thank. I also
hope those kits, who may not all be kits any more, will understand
that I cared for them, regardless of what happened. I would have
loved to have kept the group, but it belonged in Chamber, and there
was no home elsewhere. Maybe that is my fault, for being
short-sighted. But I hope those in the Custos Noctis do find a new
home. If I can help with that, I will try. But you have to
communicate with me, as I do with you.
Angel, I know
things didn't work out for us in SL. But, I still consider you a
good friend. You cared for me, and were far more patient with me
than I was with you. I can only thank you for that, and hope things
are going well for you. Maybe will see you again. But even if not,
I wish the best for you.
Az, I hope I
haven't tried your patience too much. I know you would like to see
the Project revitalized in some manner. Not sure exactly where it
might go, or what it might do, but I'm considering it. The one thing
that I strove to make clear from the beginning of it was that
collaboration would have to be a key to its success. I've had my
failings on that. My greatest regret is not being able to
effectively present things in a way that would help people understand
the importance of participation. And maybe I had been too
overbearing in my attempts to communicate. There were people in the
group that did indeed want to see something grow from our funky
multi-dimensional ziggy-thing-a-ma-doodle. But frustrations got the
best of me. However, maybe we can still try to create something out
of nothing, eh? ;)
Imari, I know you
wanted to see the Custos and the Project become a success. You
worked hard on your concept, and it was one that I thought to be very
good. Maybe, if you're still interested, we can consider how to make
it applicable in the revision of the Project. I would like to see
that come to fruition, because, in my books, you earned it by merit
of your efforts to write it up.
I could go on with
an apologia on many things. But I think I'll end here for now.
Friday, September 9, 2011
The Singing Cat
These lyrics came practically from nowhere, but they are funny. I'll go with the Spanish first, then to the English. And without further adieu, here is The Singing Cat.
El Canto Del Gato
La cola de un gato se está moviendo a la izquierda y a la derecha,
a la izquierda y a la derecha.
Está maullando a la luna ya que está brillando en la noche,
ya que está brillando en la noche.
Le encanta cantar sus canciones de amor y canciones de un corazón roto,
de amor y de un corazón roto,
que brilla sobre él como ella se ilumina con un brillo en la noche,
se ilumina con un brillo en la noche.
El gato es un gato gentil, palabras dulces cantando aunque agridulce,
palabras dulces aunque agridulce.
Un aristócrata que el gato, que nació con una cuchara y una lengua de plata,
con una cuchara y la lengua de plata.
Silvestre le llamaban, aunque nunca se encontró en el bosque,
nunca se encontró en el bosque.
Plata pelaje era, Selene la llamó, como lo hicieron hace mucho tiempo,
lo hicieron hace mucho tiempo.
Y la luna, llorado cautivado por sus cantos que hizo cantar,
sus cantos que hizo cantar.
Arrobado por la rapsodia, en éxtasis, como la cola que hizo influir,
la cola que hizo influir.
A través de la noche, la luna de Selena a su tono se hizo escuchar,
su tono se hizo escuchar.
También el hombre en la luna, y su zapato a la gata, que hizo lanzar
su zapato a la gata, que hizo lanzar.
And now the English:
The Singing Cat
The cat's tail swings to the left and to the right,
to the left and to the right.
He is meowing at the moon as she shines in the night,
as she shines in the night.
He loves to sing to her songs of love of broken heart,
of love and of broken heart.
She shines upon him, glowing with brightness in the night,
glowing with brightness in the night.
The cat is such a gentlecat - singing sweet words while also bittersweet,
sweet words while also bittersweet.
An aristocrat that cat, born with a spoon and tongue of silver,
with a spoon and tongue of silver.
Sylvester they called him, though never to be found in the woodland,
never to be found in the woodland.
Silver furred was he, Selene he called her, as they did so long ago,
they did so long ago.
And the moon she wept, enthralled by his cantos he did sing,
his cantos he did sing.
Enraptured by the rhapsody, in ecstacy as his tail he did sway,
his tail he did sway,
Through the night, Selena the moon to his tune she did listen,
to his tune she did listen.
As did the man on moon, and his shoe at the cat, he did throw
his shoe at the cat, he did throw.
El Canto Del Gato
La cola de un gato se está moviendo a la izquierda y a la derecha,
a la izquierda y a la derecha.
Está maullando a la luna ya que está brillando en la noche,
ya que está brillando en la noche.
Le encanta cantar sus canciones de amor y canciones de un corazón roto,
de amor y de un corazón roto,
que brilla sobre él como ella se ilumina con un brillo en la noche,
se ilumina con un brillo en la noche.
El gato es un gato gentil, palabras dulces cantando aunque agridulce,
palabras dulces aunque agridulce.
Un aristócrata que el gato, que nació con una cuchara y una lengua de plata,
con una cuchara y la lengua de plata.
Silvestre le llamaban, aunque nunca se encontró en el bosque,
nunca se encontró en el bosque.
Plata pelaje era, Selene la llamó, como lo hicieron hace mucho tiempo,
lo hicieron hace mucho tiempo.
Y la luna, llorado cautivado por sus cantos que hizo cantar,
sus cantos que hizo cantar.
Arrobado por la rapsodia, en éxtasis, como la cola que hizo influir,
la cola que hizo influir.
A través de la noche, la luna de Selena a su tono se hizo escuchar,
su tono se hizo escuchar.
También el hombre en la luna, y su zapato a la gata, que hizo lanzar
su zapato a la gata, que hizo lanzar.
And now the English:
The Singing Cat
The cat's tail swings to the left and to the right,
to the left and to the right.
He is meowing at the moon as she shines in the night,
as she shines in the night.
He loves to sing to her songs of love of broken heart,
of love and of broken heart.
She shines upon him, glowing with brightness in the night,
glowing with brightness in the night.
The cat is such a gentlecat - singing sweet words while also bittersweet,
sweet words while also bittersweet.
An aristocrat that cat, born with a spoon and tongue of silver,
with a spoon and tongue of silver.
Sylvester they called him, though never to be found in the woodland,
never to be found in the woodland.
Silver furred was he, Selene he called her, as they did so long ago,
they did so long ago.
And the moon she wept, enthralled by his cantos he did sing,
his cantos he did sing.
Enraptured by the rhapsody, in ecstacy as his tail he did sway,
his tail he did sway,
Through the night, Selena the moon to his tune she did listen,
to his tune she did listen.
As did the man on moon, and his shoe at the cat, he did throw
his shoe at the cat, he did throw.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Old Conversation
This was a dialogue from back when trying to figure out how to get some traffic into Chamber. But yes, it does go back to aspects on Midian. It's pretty much generic to any RP.
Ioh: Midian started in a sky box, did you know?
***** ***** I did. I'm sure they had people though.
Ioh: well, they had a small group. The original leaders of the first factions - CWs, Hounds, Night Breed (I think it was among them), MPD, and the Dolls. Most of what is Midian main was on the skybox. Not all, but most. And once it outgrew the skybox, and they were able to get the funding for it, they went to the full sim, then eventually Apoc about the time I started there, and then Levi and the swamp.
On the other hand, Chamber is like a retro fit. We have a full sim, and a lot of things are in place. It's just a matter getting that right nudge to get the momentum going. We got RP we want to do, and have been partially putting it off to get clearance on this and that. And, if we can set these certain things in motion, we should be able to get the boost needed to get traffic flowing. So, from my perspective, our challenge is to set the wheels in motion, and once it flows, who knows... anything goes.
***** ***** but it can't just be us
Ioh: you know how many times, whether it was in Midian, or Everwind, or Perdition, or even here in Chamber that I have started up RP with one person, and within an hour or two, it's grown from 2 to 4 to up to 10 people seeking to RP?
***** ***** yes. That happens when there are people passing by
Ioh: I used to have Ioh or Luke just lay on the bench near the beach and in front of the Doll house, and people would just start up idle RP which would grow just from my characters being lazy and giving way for opportunity. People come into a sim, see dots, and huddle to them. Midian has grown to a point where they complain about that flocking phenomenon, because they have enough players to show disinterest in having people do that. But, it's exactly that phenomenon by which RP first grows
***** ***** I think they dislike the flocking phenom when those people barge in on a scene not meant to be barged on. Some do it by mistake, others try to be some kind of hero before they know what's going on.
Ioh: True. There is that. Because there is RP there already to be barged in on. When you have a population, you can be more picky about such things, because it deters particular RP of interest to an established group. In Chamber, well, pretty much the vamps and nekos are about the most established groups out there. And that's pretty much because we have a certain reciprocal relation to each other's survival, both IC and OOC. Because, without either of us there, there's no 'food', both in the IC literal, and OOC figurative in meaning of that which fuels RP and brings growth.
***** ***** I see
Ioh: Otherwise, if neither of us are around, there's no RP to 'barge in' on. There's nothing to draw on, or otherwise manipulate into one stream of storyline, or break into multiple storylines that came from that one initial interaction that started it all
***** ***** Doesn't that mean that we need more groups and variety to bounce off of too? There is only one human. There are a few supernatural types - a demon, one or two lycans maybe, then your choice of vamps or nekos
Ioh: True, but that comes with time. Just think of how many groups merged and spawned from the Pack in Midian, or even the CWs, or the Hounds, and MPD. Hounds, I remember the Sarcina was an offshoot of them via Oceana, who was a pet of sorts to Damian when he was the Canis. Then, later, another women's group started called the Phoenix. MPD, well, there was the UAC to which some would say the anti-hybrids went to when MPD went soft on cats. And then the Judges and the Midian Militia as well.
Ioh: Midian started in a sky box, did you know?
***** ***** I did. I'm sure they had people though.
Ioh: well, they had a small group. The original leaders of the first factions - CWs, Hounds, Night Breed (I think it was among them), MPD, and the Dolls. Most of what is Midian main was on the skybox. Not all, but most. And once it outgrew the skybox, and they were able to get the funding for it, they went to the full sim, then eventually Apoc about the time I started there, and then Levi and the swamp.
On the other hand, Chamber is like a retro fit. We have a full sim, and a lot of things are in place. It's just a matter getting that right nudge to get the momentum going. We got RP we want to do, and have been partially putting it off to get clearance on this and that. And, if we can set these certain things in motion, we should be able to get the boost needed to get traffic flowing. So, from my perspective, our challenge is to set the wheels in motion, and once it flows, who knows... anything goes.
***** ***** but it can't just be us
Ioh: you know how many times, whether it was in Midian, or Everwind, or Perdition, or even here in Chamber that I have started up RP with one person, and within an hour or two, it's grown from 2 to 4 to up to 10 people seeking to RP?
***** ***** yes. That happens when there are people passing by
Ioh: I used to have Ioh or Luke just lay on the bench near the beach and in front of the Doll house, and people would just start up idle RP which would grow just from my characters being lazy and giving way for opportunity. People come into a sim, see dots, and huddle to them. Midian has grown to a point where they complain about that flocking phenomenon, because they have enough players to show disinterest in having people do that. But, it's exactly that phenomenon by which RP first grows
***** ***** I think they dislike the flocking phenom when those people barge in on a scene not meant to be barged on. Some do it by mistake, others try to be some kind of hero before they know what's going on.
Ioh: True. There is that. Because there is RP there already to be barged in on. When you have a population, you can be more picky about such things, because it deters particular RP of interest to an established group. In Chamber, well, pretty much the vamps and nekos are about the most established groups out there. And that's pretty much because we have a certain reciprocal relation to each other's survival, both IC and OOC. Because, without either of us there, there's no 'food', both in the IC literal, and OOC figurative in meaning of that which fuels RP and brings growth.
***** ***** I see
Ioh: Otherwise, if neither of us are around, there's no RP to 'barge in' on. There's nothing to draw on, or otherwise manipulate into one stream of storyline, or break into multiple storylines that came from that one initial interaction that started it all
***** ***** Doesn't that mean that we need more groups and variety to bounce off of too? There is only one human. There are a few supernatural types - a demon, one or two lycans maybe, then your choice of vamps or nekos
Ioh: True, but that comes with time. Just think of how many groups merged and spawned from the Pack in Midian, or even the CWs, or the Hounds, and MPD. Hounds, I remember the Sarcina was an offshoot of them via Oceana, who was a pet of sorts to Damian when he was the Canis. Then, later, another women's group started called the Phoenix. MPD, well, there was the UAC to which some would say the anti-hybrids went to when MPD went soft on cats. And then the Judges and the Midian Militia as well.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Midian 'Vast Majority'
Sometimes I wonder if I talk to Midian people for inspiration for a good rant. Just last night, I figured I would talk to Auntie, suppose out of old habit. Did the usual hellos and how are yous, and by about 10 minutes into the conversation, yep, you guessed it, we were in conversation about Midian.
What's the news? Apparently, after selling off all three expansion sims (Apocalypse, Leviathan, and Le Chuck's bayou Quin-something-or-other), Jade wants to reboot the main sim. This is all apparently not gossip, but fact. The money issues are now all resolved, which was apparently the key factor, according to Auntie. They're also remodeling, and, as claimed, rebooting 'back to the original tenet of Midian'.
To be fair and honest, if Midian were to go back to its 'original tenet', it would be more true if it went back to being housed in a sky box and to the descriptions found in this classic article from 2006:
http://www.justvirtual.com/2006/10/03/role-playing-in-midian-city/
That was back when the original creator Baal was around, and the original story (and thus, original tenet) is found in the article. It was more of a Predator/prey sort of play then. At the time that I came, when Apocalypse had been put in as the first expansion, there was a 'hapless victim' text title one could put on if looking to advertise yourself as prey. However, Midian was developing out of that original tenet and becoming more of a place for text RP, rather than run, hunt, and chase. Will Midian: Rebooted go back to the Pred/prey run, hunt, and chase days? I somehow don't think so. For one, that might mean actually going back to use of a meter, since the original Midian did allow the standard weaponry of the day, such as Black Ops. Considering that weapons are going to be greatly limited, this is one aspect that the reboot is not going back to the original tenet. Plus, I find it hard to see the current player base, assuming there is still enough RPers left to claim there is one, being all that interested in the way of play way back in the day.
I suppose pressure of being an adult sim and having to adhere to SL's standard for such a sim designation (and possibly the lack of interest/the falling out of such players) child avies will no longer be a part of the character roster for Midian. Also included in the list of character types to be dropped are hybrids (except cats and dogs), and mechs (other than 'basic' ones - no super uber ones). Humans, as long as you're not a child avie, you're fine to be reloaded into Midian: Rebooted. (And yes, that sentence is fully loaded with sarcasm.)
Despite all the talk of going back to the original tenets, the reality is that Midian is not going back to what made it a great sim. Rather, its just defining the restraints for the reboot to make it very clear what is and is no longer allowed in the sim, as well as who is and is not any longer welcome. I guess that's a step up from the usual arbitrary use of ignoring, threatening, and eventually banning that Midian has become so well known for in its usual enforcement. And Auntie seems to point out somewhat of an altruism in saying that there was never a lack of rules in Midian, just a lack of enforcement. In part that's true, but more so, when Midian did enforce something, it was always very arbitrary.
Although, on one hand, the very reason I got banned was that I spoke out against the then hidden agenda of Midian in trying to get rid of the hybrids. And guess what? That's exactly what has happened now. Some of Midian's veteran characters that still had some interest in playing there, such as Ayr, who played a kitsune and was leader of the Pack, now cannot play his kitsune character in the very city his character has come to know as home. He either has to define himself as either a cat or a dog, become a human on 'basic' mech, or leave town.
Sure, one can say that the kitsune is 'just a character', so what's the big deal? The big deal to me is that it is a matter of forcing a conforming the identity to a norm because of a black and white specification of what hybrids are allowed. This goes against a principality for me that finds its core in my first life. Sure, I'm 'free, white, male, and over 21' and, according to the standards of my father's generation, and my grandfather's, that makes me qualified, and therefore entitled to my freedom to do as I like. It also claims that, if I were not any of those things, I wouldn't qualify, and therefore be entitled to my personhood in the 'real world'. Either I should accept the supremacy of being a blond, blue-eyed (ok, hazel) white man, or deny it and become subservient as all the non-white, non-male, not of age people who do not apparently qualify to be free people under this supposed status quo. So of course I had fought, and still fight for hybrid rights beyond the cats and dogs, because such are a 'minority' that I think have a legitimate and intriguing diversity outweigh the bigotry of the so-called 'vast majority'.
But, Auntie is right, there are generations of people out there that have a sense of entitlement. She plays into that quite well, being that, as proclaiming to be in the 'vast majority' that entitles her to shit on those that are not allowed into her dystopic utopia of Midian. Silly? I suppose. Life can either be a comedy or a tragedy, or a mixture of all sorts of drama. Our life experiences are what we make of them, and how much gravity we put into what they mean to and imply about us. But, apparently, because we're sitting in front of a computer, we are a floundering lot that can be pissed on. Why? Because Midian's all about business, and businesses don't give a shit about anyone, unless they can make money off of them, and just try to draw people in to consume their poison. At least, this is what seems to be the business model Auntie describes. It also sounds much to the status quo of what Midian did before the reboot, so, it's just Midian, back to business as usual.
The thing is, who is Midian: Rebooted going to latch on to? The problem is, the facts are that Midian has no fan base left. Most who were there and of any caliber as RPers have felt shit upon and left. One can blame generations in a generalization all one wants to, but the truth is, Midian has passed its prime, pissed on its player base, and has now run its course. Sure, it may go a few more months, maybe a year, but unless there is found new blood ignorant of the BS that has gone on in Midian, it's just going to be a money pit. No, I don't think one can please everyone, but you can't fool everyone all the time, as a very wise leader of one halfway decent (though certainly not perfect) generation once said. How can there be made a claim that Midian is in a 'vast majority'? Show me the green! That is, show me all the green and yellow dots on the map of the sim. Not one or two dots here and there. But the clusters once seen, like back in the days when Midian was a worthwhile place to RP. Those in Midian know they can't show such concrete data and just blow hot air. In reality, it seems to me the vast majority is passing on Midian. Sorry to any people that may hold a small bit of hope for Midian, but it's the truth. I'm not going to be delusioned by a lie. I have learned, or should have learned my lesson after being banned. Midian doesn't give a damn and is going to eventually go under for that very reason.
What's the news? Apparently, after selling off all three expansion sims (Apocalypse, Leviathan, and Le Chuck's bayou Quin-something-or-other), Jade wants to reboot the main sim. This is all apparently not gossip, but fact. The money issues are now all resolved, which was apparently the key factor, according to Auntie. They're also remodeling, and, as claimed, rebooting 'back to the original tenet of Midian'.
To be fair and honest, if Midian were to go back to its 'original tenet', it would be more true if it went back to being housed in a sky box and to the descriptions found in this classic article from 2006:
http://www.justvirtual.com/2006/10/03/role-playing-in-midian-city/
That was back when the original creator Baal was around, and the original story (and thus, original tenet) is found in the article. It was more of a Predator/prey sort of play then. At the time that I came, when Apocalypse had been put in as the first expansion, there was a 'hapless victim' text title one could put on if looking to advertise yourself as prey. However, Midian was developing out of that original tenet and becoming more of a place for text RP, rather than run, hunt, and chase. Will Midian: Rebooted go back to the Pred/prey run, hunt, and chase days? I somehow don't think so. For one, that might mean actually going back to use of a meter, since the original Midian did allow the standard weaponry of the day, such as Black Ops. Considering that weapons are going to be greatly limited, this is one aspect that the reboot is not going back to the original tenet. Plus, I find it hard to see the current player base, assuming there is still enough RPers left to claim there is one, being all that interested in the way of play way back in the day.
I suppose pressure of being an adult sim and having to adhere to SL's standard for such a sim designation (and possibly the lack of interest/the falling out of such players) child avies will no longer be a part of the character roster for Midian. Also included in the list of character types to be dropped are hybrids (except cats and dogs), and mechs (other than 'basic' ones - no super uber ones). Humans, as long as you're not a child avie, you're fine to be reloaded into Midian: Rebooted. (And yes, that sentence is fully loaded with sarcasm.)
Despite all the talk of going back to the original tenets, the reality is that Midian is not going back to what made it a great sim. Rather, its just defining the restraints for the reboot to make it very clear what is and is no longer allowed in the sim, as well as who is and is not any longer welcome. I guess that's a step up from the usual arbitrary use of ignoring, threatening, and eventually banning that Midian has become so well known for in its usual enforcement. And Auntie seems to point out somewhat of an altruism in saying that there was never a lack of rules in Midian, just a lack of enforcement. In part that's true, but more so, when Midian did enforce something, it was always very arbitrary.
Although, on one hand, the very reason I got banned was that I spoke out against the then hidden agenda of Midian in trying to get rid of the hybrids. And guess what? That's exactly what has happened now. Some of Midian's veteran characters that still had some interest in playing there, such as Ayr, who played a kitsune and was leader of the Pack, now cannot play his kitsune character in the very city his character has come to know as home. He either has to define himself as either a cat or a dog, become a human on 'basic' mech, or leave town.
Sure, one can say that the kitsune is 'just a character', so what's the big deal? The big deal to me is that it is a matter of forcing a conforming the identity to a norm because of a black and white specification of what hybrids are allowed. This goes against a principality for me that finds its core in my first life. Sure, I'm 'free, white, male, and over 21' and, according to the standards of my father's generation, and my grandfather's, that makes me qualified, and therefore entitled to my freedom to do as I like. It also claims that, if I were not any of those things, I wouldn't qualify, and therefore be entitled to my personhood in the 'real world'. Either I should accept the supremacy of being a blond, blue-eyed (ok, hazel) white man, or deny it and become subservient as all the non-white, non-male, not of age people who do not apparently qualify to be free people under this supposed status quo. So of course I had fought, and still fight for hybrid rights beyond the cats and dogs, because such are a 'minority' that I think have a legitimate and intriguing diversity outweigh the bigotry of the so-called 'vast majority'.
But, Auntie is right, there are generations of people out there that have a sense of entitlement. She plays into that quite well, being that, as proclaiming to be in the 'vast majority' that entitles her to shit on those that are not allowed into her dystopic utopia of Midian. Silly? I suppose. Life can either be a comedy or a tragedy, or a mixture of all sorts of drama. Our life experiences are what we make of them, and how much gravity we put into what they mean to and imply about us. But, apparently, because we're sitting in front of a computer, we are a floundering lot that can be pissed on. Why? Because Midian's all about business, and businesses don't give a shit about anyone, unless they can make money off of them, and just try to draw people in to consume their poison. At least, this is what seems to be the business model Auntie describes. It also sounds much to the status quo of what Midian did before the reboot, so, it's just Midian, back to business as usual.
The thing is, who is Midian: Rebooted going to latch on to? The problem is, the facts are that Midian has no fan base left. Most who were there and of any caliber as RPers have felt shit upon and left. One can blame generations in a generalization all one wants to, but the truth is, Midian has passed its prime, pissed on its player base, and has now run its course. Sure, it may go a few more months, maybe a year, but unless there is found new blood ignorant of the BS that has gone on in Midian, it's just going to be a money pit. No, I don't think one can please everyone, but you can't fool everyone all the time, as a very wise leader of one halfway decent (though certainly not perfect) generation once said. How can there be made a claim that Midian is in a 'vast majority'? Show me the green! That is, show me all the green and yellow dots on the map of the sim. Not one or two dots here and there. But the clusters once seen, like back in the days when Midian was a worthwhile place to RP. Those in Midian know they can't show such concrete data and just blow hot air. In reality, it seems to me the vast majority is passing on Midian. Sorry to any people that may hold a small bit of hope for Midian, but it's the truth. I'm not going to be delusioned by a lie. I have learned, or should have learned my lesson after being banned. Midian doesn't give a damn and is going to eventually go under for that very reason.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
To Bring A Positive Outlook Out Of A Tragedy
This came while discussing about Nickelback's song Leader of Men, which I have used recently as a recurring theme for Ioh in this recent Flickr pic:
The recurring theme was done in a bluegrass arrangement by Cornbread Red:
When I first used the song back in the summer of 2009, it was the Nickleback acoustic version. This was the summer things were starting to go sour with Ioh's ex kitten Bails. Even so, I still like the tune, regardless.
For me, I think it's more the lyrics than anything. They're on the youtube link, but you can see them here without having the song come up on autoplay:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickelback/leaderofmen.html
My friend that I was discussing things with said he liked the lyrics, with positive message behind it. I agreed that it is, in a melancholy sort of way, which kinda the point to bluesy, or blue grass song.
You see, when I first used this song as a theme, a depression was forming for me between RL job searching and SL drama with gossip and rank jockeying starting up in the CWs. Added on to that was a low period in my relationship with Bails. Added all together, it's pretty easy to see now how the first verse sang to me:
Tell your friends not to think aloud
Until they swallow
Whisper things into my brain
Your voice sounds so hollow
Yet, despite all that, and the tragedy that hit and all that culminated in my being banned from Midian, I still find myself searching for the way to 'get higher'- or to go past and break through the stuff in a hero's journey that can either pull one down to make things a tragedy, instead of the final triumph and happy ending that is strove for, like the saving the girl at the end of the song.
My friend noted that he prefers a happy ending. I think everyone looks for that final resolution, even in a tragedy, to find something redemptive, if not a retribution for what caused the tragedy. Though I'd prefer the redemption, like the story in the song, as if to say, "Here's what everyone was thinking and saying, now see how the final action has proven them wrong."
Tragedies, as my friend pointed out, generally involves some sort of mistake on the hero's part. That I have made mistakes, I cannot deny. But even so, a lot of movies and stories in general are filled with flawed heroes. They're not envisioned perfect, whether they are the demigod super hero or the average joe type who just happens to step in and heed the call to action. That the listened to the call to action is what made them heroes. It's what they do that gets talked about, and that talk is often a voice sounding hollow, about the past, and a fruit gone rotten. A hero does not live in the past. He sets out to press on further, to go higher, to persevere and continue to listen to the call to action.
The recurring theme was done in a bluegrass arrangement by Cornbread Red:
When I first used the song back in the summer of 2009, it was the Nickleback acoustic version. This was the summer things were starting to go sour with Ioh's ex kitten Bails. Even so, I still like the tune, regardless.
For me, I think it's more the lyrics than anything. They're on the youtube link, but you can see them here without having the song come up on autoplay:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickelback/leaderofmen.html
My friend that I was discussing things with said he liked the lyrics, with positive message behind it. I agreed that it is, in a melancholy sort of way, which kinda the point to bluesy, or blue grass song.
You see, when I first used this song as a theme, a depression was forming for me between RL job searching and SL drama with gossip and rank jockeying starting up in the CWs. Added on to that was a low period in my relationship with Bails. Added all together, it's pretty easy to see now how the first verse sang to me:
Tell your friends not to think aloud
Until they swallow
Whisper things into my brain
Your voice sounds so hollow
Yet, despite all that, and the tragedy that hit and all that culminated in my being banned from Midian, I still find myself searching for the way to 'get higher'- or to go past and break through the stuff in a hero's journey that can either pull one down to make things a tragedy, instead of the final triumph and happy ending that is strove for, like the saving the girl at the end of the song.
My friend noted that he prefers a happy ending. I think everyone looks for that final resolution, even in a tragedy, to find something redemptive, if not a retribution for what caused the tragedy. Though I'd prefer the redemption, like the story in the song, as if to say, "Here's what everyone was thinking and saying, now see how the final action has proven them wrong."
Tragedies, as my friend pointed out, generally involves some sort of mistake on the hero's part. That I have made mistakes, I cannot deny. But even so, a lot of movies and stories in general are filled with flawed heroes. They're not envisioned perfect, whether they are the demigod super hero or the average joe type who just happens to step in and heed the call to action. That the listened to the call to action is what made them heroes. It's what they do that gets talked about, and that talk is often a voice sounding hollow, about the past, and a fruit gone rotten. A hero does not live in the past. He sets out to press on further, to go higher, to persevere and continue to listen to the call to action.
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