Really, after joining the RPC Website, and looking through their forums, I've come to realize why I rarely if ever RP much any more. People have become stupid Disneyphiles. Not to mention, Gor is apparently considered actual RP and squeaky clean fun with no hint of BDSM in it at all. Riiiiight! >.<
Ah, but to lament for better days. This song goes out to those that know what I'm talking about, and can appreciate the parallels between the parody and the current trends of SL RP:
Friday, June 29, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Falling Off The Face Of The Earth
People probably figured I fell off the face of the earth since I haven't been posting on here for a while. I guess Ioh kinda did. I haven't logged him in for some time on SL, and honestly, I'm not sure what to do with him yet. For some time, I was preoccupied on Luke, who was doing alright in one RP, until drama took all the fun out of it. Add to that, a break up of a relationship that was likely doomed from the start, and disappointing another friend I was in a more stable RP relationship at the time, and yeah, Luke winds up lost and out of the RP scene as well.
I also tried picking up another RP with another character, but that kinda flopped too, in a different way. By that time I was starting to get back into IMVU and, yep another RP relationship that was semi-stable, but not very fulfilling because I knew it couldn't go anywhere beyond IMVU because the other person was engaged to someone else in their real life. But, I didn't mind it at first, since, to be honest, I was looking more for comfort than a 'real' relationship. And for a time, I felt I had got what I was looking for. But then, I found someone else that, at the time, seemed more real.
So, again, I break from the more stable relation to pursue this 'real girl', and that was going great for about a month or so. Then, more recently, we started having a few troubles that may or may not have been blown out of proportion, but ultimately led to major drama when none was ever intended. But what can I expect, despite all the 'I love you's between us, and caring for each other, she just really didn't want anything more than 'just friends'.
And I guess I should have realized that from the start, when we met in what basically is the equivalent in IMVU of a SL adult sim club/pub place. We had a good time the first night, and I stayed with her and cuddled. I hate to think of it this way, but that might have been my first mistake, because that was when I started having feelings for her and, I guess then too her for me.
It was a bit rocky at first. I mean, there were wonderful times then. We went places, we cuddled, we had fun and talked. But, on the other hand, she kept to that Pub, claiming it was a friend's place and she felt obliged to look over it for him. It was a room that she was a moderator for, and she claimed that her role there was to make sure nothing bad happened. But, I'd see that she was in the room, and often it was with another guy there. So I hop in, and the first things I hear are emotes of a guy groping her and about to have her way with her - yiffing.
Now the Pub is meant for yiffing, but, this is supposed to be a girl that not only likes me, but claims to care about me and wants to be more than friends. And, we were beginning to say 'I love you' to each other. Yet, there she is, with this guy about to basically fuck her and I'm supposed to believe that I 'came in at the wrong time' and that she was about to stop him and boot the guy before I came in? That somehow I was her hero to come in and give her an excuse to get the guy off her? Yeah, right. But I bought it, hook, line and sinker. Why? Because, at the time, I was in love! >.<
Of course, she also tried to ease the hurt by saying, 'It's only RP. When I was yiffing him, it didn't mean anything. I was just faking it.' Of course, that would leave the assumption that, with me, it's 'real' or 'desired'. But nope, eventually she confessed that at no time, despite even her moments of advances and instigating intimacy, she was faking it. All she really wanted was cuddles. And that would be fine, except if one only wants cuddles, they shouldn't be yiffing other guys and faking it in the first place! If you don't like it, don't really want to do it, then DON'T FUCKING DO IT!!!
I mean, hell, a prostitute or whore might fake it and not like doing it, but they at least get paid for doing it. They don't tell you that they love you and pretend to like it in order to have a relationship with you, and then turn around and say, 'Let's just be friends!' No, they are honest about what they want and don't waste their time with a John they don't really want. But no, she waffled with that and kept tugging that 'I love you' or 'I care about you' while just leading me along.
But, anyways, the other aspect was issues of jealousy and trust, which are slightly valid, but not justified to continue this sort of relationship. I'd keep hopping into this Pub room and find her with other guys, and she'd either jump to be with me, or, if she liked the guy, she'd try to get a three way cuddle going. I wasn't comfortable with this at all, but I went along with it because - yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!' *shakes head*
It finally got too much when she'd have one of those guys with me on the three way cuddle pillow and the guy gropes her right in front of me while I'm right next to her. I mean, the bastard wanted to finder her, and likely more, and she and him look at me and are like, 'what's wrong?' or 'what's the problem?' And I just want to shout, 'What's the problem? That guy is trying to fucking finger you and fuck you, and you're asking what's fucking wring?!' Oh, but the place is a yiff joint, so I'm supposed to take that into consideration. She hadn't yet told me she supposedly fakes fucking and doesn't really like to do it. It sure as hell didn't seem like she didn't like it the way she carried on with this guy and let him do that shit. And she has the gall to ask what the fuck's the matter? Seriously? The whole damn situation is what's the fuck the matter! But no, I'm 'just jealous' and I should just go along with it because she's got lots of guy friends and I need to accept that.
BULLSHIT! I don't have to accept that poor, lame excuse for why one would fake fuck when they supposedly don't like doing that. I have many girl friends. Doesn't mean I fake fuck them. Doesn't mean I let them grope me when I have a fucking girlfriend! Oh, but wait, I had a girlfriend then, an RP one that I didn't think cared much for me, but yeah, that's a lame excuse. So is it lame to keep continuing on with this fake fuck female in a relationship with the excuse of 'but I was in love!' Those four words are such a poisonous reasoning, but it sells in Hollywood and paperback romance novels. But it just doesn't go anywhere in reality. But in virtual reality where reality and false fantasies mix the most, this is the sort of romance that all of us in virtual spaces fall for, and maybe are addicted to. But that's just rationalizing being a fool.
But, at least in the Pub, the fake fucking came to an end. I guess she considered us more serious at the time. And maybe we were. She started her own PG room, so no yiffing might potentially happen. Just cuddles, if one were to take the room at face value. The problem is that with IMVU, you can be in PC, or Private Chat with virtually anyone. I 'could' take at face value that her being in a cuddle with some other guy in the room is just her being nice to a friend, and just wanting to comfort that friend. And if mention is to them being in PC, or the indicators of taking a long time to say something, or otherwise being distracted by something, I should just take it at face value that they are 'just talking'. I'm not supposed to believe that she's not possibly in that PC doing what she used to do at the Pub, the things I actually caught her doing, which doesn't take into consideration what she may or may not have been doing while I was away, working on rl issues, struggling myself with real problems, which I thought she cared about, because she claimed she loved me. But apparently not enough.
Funny thing is, what started the end was one night after intimacy, to which it seemed she fell asleep during, and to which I texted her good night and went to sleep, still in the private room with her, mind you. Still cuddled up with her and holding her in my arms. And I even said, 'I love you' and kissed her good night. But, I crash overnight. My phone was silent and not in the room I was sleeping in. And she texted me several times, I guess frantic to know where I was. In the morning, I finally get the texts, and message her that I'm sorry, but I crashed and didn't notice until I woke up, and that I'd be on later that night.
So I get back on later that night, our couple pic out of her profile pic and puts one up of some angsty demoness girly all emo, hugging her knees and all sob story looking. Where I once was on her list of friends, and having a heart next to my name, she took that out. Where she once had her tag line claiming to love me, she put up, 'Love is a joke, and your heart the punchline.' All that because I went to sleep and my internet crashed. That broke her down and was the absolute worst thing that could happen to her - I hurt her. Yep, I'm this horrible monster that hurt her because I went to sleep and *OMG!!!* my internet crashed. The whole world of our loving relationship crashes down and comes to an end because of that.
I find this tragically funny now (not a lol funny, the odd, WTF?! ironic type), because she's fallen asleep on me, and she's crashed while we had laid idle cuddled together, and I thought nothing of it. After all, if she legitimately crashed or fell asleep, she wasn't fake fucking or cuddling with some guy - unless I happen to have found her in the Pub or her room with some guy with his arms wrapped around her, which I did, TWICE! But no, if I dare make mention of it, I'm just a jealous asshole. But if I fall asleep ONCE, if I crash and go offline ONCE, it's the end of the fucking world!
So please, would some rational person tell me, am I insane to feel jealous after all this? I already understand I'm insane for continuing in this toxic relationship with an immature girl that, although she claimed to care for me, did so many fucked up actions that, I think, any sane person would realize are fucked up and move on. That is, unless they were like me, and still held the 'but I was in love!' banner.
And yep, we talked, and for one night, I foolishly brought her back in my arms, wanting to love her. She said then that, despite my end of the world 'hurting' her, bringing her to tears and tremors, that she still wants me. I should be flattered with that right? Well, the fool that I am, I was! So, we come to peace that night, only have it all fall to pieces the next day.
But, we'll back up. First, I find her again in her room with a guy holding her and all snuggled up. And finally, instead of just closing out the room, I finally come unglued and snap at her for being in that guy's arms, telling her how that guy's my fucking replacement, and she knows it. And why shouldn't I believe otherwise? She'd been with that guy in her room for several days, for several long hours, and that bastard was ALL OVER HER! He's her Mr. White Knight in shining armor, her defender from terrible tyrannical me.Me, who's worst crimes were being 'too jealous' about seeing her nearly getting fucked and groped by other men, and one time going to sleep and having my internet crash while idling with her. Yep, I'm the evil villain here.
We had made peace that night, though. Because, yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!' Funny is, all during our peace making, she was still in her room with Mr. White Knight. I go into her room the next day, she's cuddling another guy. This time, from all the potential indicators that seem reasonable to believe, this guy was having real problems and needed a friend to cuddle. So, that, I merited with her 'big heart'. Such a wonderful friend she is. That is, to everyone but me, who she once said 'I love you' to.
A little later, sad friend went off to be alone. A little after that, fictional father comes into the room and decides to take matters into his own hands, telling me to leave this girl, because I've 'hurt' her. I've hurt her soooo badly from that one night of falling asleep and having my network crash ONCE. I'm such an evil creature because of that, I must break up with her. Now, in hind sight, he's right. I should have, if I were a reasonable, sane person, have broken up with her that night that I first caught her about to get fake fucked by a guy she claimed not to care about, and almost had me, the guy she claimed to care about just watch, because it's her job to make everyone happy. Everyone but me, apparently. The one she claimed to love and care about. My feelings were nothing compared to strangers and everyone else that were her friends. I was just that guy she said 'I love you' to. I didn't matter. Only if I'm jealous of the bullshit she put me through (and yes, I'm at fault for continuing to go through it), and if I dare to fall asleep on her or if my connection does the ultimate and dies on me, I'm the evil asshole that 'hurt' her. Never mind all the damn fucking times she's hurt me, and I tried to fight it all back because of that foolish excuse of being in love. Nope, I'm the evil bastard.
So, after my connection goes out, which seems to have a wonderful way of disconnecting at the worst of times to do so, I go to the coffee shop to see about making amends because..., yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!' But I go into her room, and Mr White Knight's already threatening to flag me for 'harassment', despite that this girl asked me to come back to talk. She was still AFK, so couldn't say anything. And Deputy Dipstick keeps ranting about how she doesn't care for me and wants me to leave. He then gets all creeper and hugs up cuddly with her, obviously trying to grate at my last nerves and get me jealous.
For such actions, you'd expect for my love to come to my side and defend me against such angry and unfounded attacks, but no. She just excuses him as being concerned about her and wanting to protect her. Of course. Because he's the fucking one that wants to REPLACE ME! But my love never got it through her thick skull. And finally, after arguing for a few hours, she just goes to 'let's just be friends!'
FUCK THAT! All her friends hate me now. How can I be a friend in that scenario. I can't be in the same room with her because her friends will just drop in and try to start fights with me. Mr. White Knight will want to be there to cuddle up to her and try to make me jealous. And even if we tried to go somewhere else, she'll still want to be with all those friends that hate me. Despite saying she doesn't like crying in front of her friends, she'll run to them and get her little pity party pose together and let them tell her what an evil bastard I am if I dare 'hurt' her again. Fuck that, I'm not in love any more. So I finally did the smart thing and left her. Yes, I probably should have done it sooner, but finally, I'm free from the insanity of that fucked up love.
And that's all for the drama that has been my virtual life since I fell off the face of the earth. :p
I also tried picking up another RP with another character, but that kinda flopped too, in a different way. By that time I was starting to get back into IMVU and, yep another RP relationship that was semi-stable, but not very fulfilling because I knew it couldn't go anywhere beyond IMVU because the other person was engaged to someone else in their real life. But, I didn't mind it at first, since, to be honest, I was looking more for comfort than a 'real' relationship. And for a time, I felt I had got what I was looking for. But then, I found someone else that, at the time, seemed more real.
So, again, I break from the more stable relation to pursue this 'real girl', and that was going great for about a month or so. Then, more recently, we started having a few troubles that may or may not have been blown out of proportion, but ultimately led to major drama when none was ever intended. But what can I expect, despite all the 'I love you's between us, and caring for each other, she just really didn't want anything more than 'just friends'.
And I guess I should have realized that from the start, when we met in what basically is the equivalent in IMVU of a SL adult sim club/pub place. We had a good time the first night, and I stayed with her and cuddled. I hate to think of it this way, but that might have been my first mistake, because that was when I started having feelings for her and, I guess then too her for me.
It was a bit rocky at first. I mean, there were wonderful times then. We went places, we cuddled, we had fun and talked. But, on the other hand, she kept to that Pub, claiming it was a friend's place and she felt obliged to look over it for him. It was a room that she was a moderator for, and she claimed that her role there was to make sure nothing bad happened. But, I'd see that she was in the room, and often it was with another guy there. So I hop in, and the first things I hear are emotes of a guy groping her and about to have her way with her - yiffing.
Now the Pub is meant for yiffing, but, this is supposed to be a girl that not only likes me, but claims to care about me and wants to be more than friends. And, we were beginning to say 'I love you' to each other. Yet, there she is, with this guy about to basically fuck her and I'm supposed to believe that I 'came in at the wrong time' and that she was about to stop him and boot the guy before I came in? That somehow I was her hero to come in and give her an excuse to get the guy off her? Yeah, right. But I bought it, hook, line and sinker. Why? Because, at the time, I was in love! >.<
Of course, she also tried to ease the hurt by saying, 'It's only RP. When I was yiffing him, it didn't mean anything. I was just faking it.' Of course, that would leave the assumption that, with me, it's 'real' or 'desired'. But nope, eventually she confessed that at no time, despite even her moments of advances and instigating intimacy, she was faking it. All she really wanted was cuddles. And that would be fine, except if one only wants cuddles, they shouldn't be yiffing other guys and faking it in the first place! If you don't like it, don't really want to do it, then DON'T FUCKING DO IT!!!
I mean, hell, a prostitute or whore might fake it and not like doing it, but they at least get paid for doing it. They don't tell you that they love you and pretend to like it in order to have a relationship with you, and then turn around and say, 'Let's just be friends!' No, they are honest about what they want and don't waste their time with a John they don't really want. But no, she waffled with that and kept tugging that 'I love you' or 'I care about you' while just leading me along.
But, anyways, the other aspect was issues of jealousy and trust, which are slightly valid, but not justified to continue this sort of relationship. I'd keep hopping into this Pub room and find her with other guys, and she'd either jump to be with me, or, if she liked the guy, she'd try to get a three way cuddle going. I wasn't comfortable with this at all, but I went along with it because - yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!' *shakes head*
It finally got too much when she'd have one of those guys with me on the three way cuddle pillow and the guy gropes her right in front of me while I'm right next to her. I mean, the bastard wanted to finder her, and likely more, and she and him look at me and are like, 'what's wrong?' or 'what's the problem?' And I just want to shout, 'What's the problem? That guy is trying to fucking finger you and fuck you, and you're asking what's fucking wring?!' Oh, but the place is a yiff joint, so I'm supposed to take that into consideration. She hadn't yet told me she supposedly fakes fucking and doesn't really like to do it. It sure as hell didn't seem like she didn't like it the way she carried on with this guy and let him do that shit. And she has the gall to ask what the fuck's the matter? Seriously? The whole damn situation is what's the fuck the matter! But no, I'm 'just jealous' and I should just go along with it because she's got lots of guy friends and I need to accept that.
BULLSHIT! I don't have to accept that poor, lame excuse for why one would fake fuck when they supposedly don't like doing that. I have many girl friends. Doesn't mean I fake fuck them. Doesn't mean I let them grope me when I have a fucking girlfriend! Oh, but wait, I had a girlfriend then, an RP one that I didn't think cared much for me, but yeah, that's a lame excuse. So is it lame to keep continuing on with this fake fuck female in a relationship with the excuse of 'but I was in love!' Those four words are such a poisonous reasoning, but it sells in Hollywood and paperback romance novels. But it just doesn't go anywhere in reality. But in virtual reality where reality and false fantasies mix the most, this is the sort of romance that all of us in virtual spaces fall for, and maybe are addicted to. But that's just rationalizing being a fool.
But, at least in the Pub, the fake fucking came to an end. I guess she considered us more serious at the time. And maybe we were. She started her own PG room, so no yiffing might potentially happen. Just cuddles, if one were to take the room at face value. The problem is that with IMVU, you can be in PC, or Private Chat with virtually anyone. I 'could' take at face value that her being in a cuddle with some other guy in the room is just her being nice to a friend, and just wanting to comfort that friend. And if mention is to them being in PC, or the indicators of taking a long time to say something, or otherwise being distracted by something, I should just take it at face value that they are 'just talking'. I'm not supposed to believe that she's not possibly in that PC doing what she used to do at the Pub, the things I actually caught her doing, which doesn't take into consideration what she may or may not have been doing while I was away, working on rl issues, struggling myself with real problems, which I thought she cared about, because she claimed she loved me. But apparently not enough.
Funny thing is, what started the end was one night after intimacy, to which it seemed she fell asleep during, and to which I texted her good night and went to sleep, still in the private room with her, mind you. Still cuddled up with her and holding her in my arms. And I even said, 'I love you' and kissed her good night. But, I crash overnight. My phone was silent and not in the room I was sleeping in. And she texted me several times, I guess frantic to know where I was. In the morning, I finally get the texts, and message her that I'm sorry, but I crashed and didn't notice until I woke up, and that I'd be on later that night.
So I get back on later that night, our couple pic out of her profile pic and puts one up of some angsty demoness girly all emo, hugging her knees and all sob story looking. Where I once was on her list of friends, and having a heart next to my name, she took that out. Where she once had her tag line claiming to love me, she put up, 'Love is a joke, and your heart the punchline.' All that because I went to sleep and my internet crashed. That broke her down and was the absolute worst thing that could happen to her - I hurt her. Yep, I'm this horrible monster that hurt her because I went to sleep and *OMG!!!* my internet crashed. The whole world of our loving relationship crashes down and comes to an end because of that.
I find this tragically funny now (not a lol funny, the odd, WTF?! ironic type), because she's fallen asleep on me, and she's crashed while we had laid idle cuddled together, and I thought nothing of it. After all, if she legitimately crashed or fell asleep, she wasn't fake fucking or cuddling with some guy - unless I happen to have found her in the Pub or her room with some guy with his arms wrapped around her, which I did, TWICE! But no, if I dare make mention of it, I'm just a jealous asshole. But if I fall asleep ONCE, if I crash and go offline ONCE, it's the end of the fucking world!
So please, would some rational person tell me, am I insane to feel jealous after all this? I already understand I'm insane for continuing in this toxic relationship with an immature girl that, although she claimed to care for me, did so many fucked up actions that, I think, any sane person would realize are fucked up and move on. That is, unless they were like me, and still held the 'but I was in love!' banner.
And yep, we talked, and for one night, I foolishly brought her back in my arms, wanting to love her. She said then that, despite my end of the world 'hurting' her, bringing her to tears and tremors, that she still wants me. I should be flattered with that right? Well, the fool that I am, I was! So, we come to peace that night, only have it all fall to pieces the next day.
But, we'll back up. First, I find her again in her room with a guy holding her and all snuggled up. And finally, instead of just closing out the room, I finally come unglued and snap at her for being in that guy's arms, telling her how that guy's my fucking replacement, and she knows it. And why shouldn't I believe otherwise? She'd been with that guy in her room for several days, for several long hours, and that bastard was ALL OVER HER! He's her Mr. White Knight in shining armor, her defender from terrible tyrannical me.Me, who's worst crimes were being 'too jealous' about seeing her nearly getting fucked and groped by other men, and one time going to sleep and having my internet crash while idling with her. Yep, I'm the evil villain here.
We had made peace that night, though. Because, yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!' Funny is, all during our peace making, she was still in her room with Mr. White Knight. I go into her room the next day, she's cuddling another guy. This time, from all the potential indicators that seem reasonable to believe, this guy was having real problems and needed a friend to cuddle. So, that, I merited with her 'big heart'. Such a wonderful friend she is. That is, to everyone but me, who she once said 'I love you' to.
A little later, sad friend went off to be alone. A little after that, fictional father comes into the room and decides to take matters into his own hands, telling me to leave this girl, because I've 'hurt' her. I've hurt her soooo badly from that one night of falling asleep and having my network crash ONCE. I'm such an evil creature because of that, I must break up with her. Now, in hind sight, he's right. I should have, if I were a reasonable, sane person, have broken up with her that night that I first caught her about to get fake fucked by a guy she claimed not to care about, and almost had me, the guy she claimed to care about just watch, because it's her job to make everyone happy. Everyone but me, apparently. The one she claimed to love and care about. My feelings were nothing compared to strangers and everyone else that were her friends. I was just that guy she said 'I love you' to. I didn't matter. Only if I'm jealous of the bullshit she put me through (and yes, I'm at fault for continuing to go through it), and if I dare to fall asleep on her or if my connection does the ultimate and dies on me, I'm the evil asshole that 'hurt' her. Never mind all the damn fucking times she's hurt me, and I tried to fight it all back because of that foolish excuse of being in love. Nope, I'm the evil bastard.
So, after my connection goes out, which seems to have a wonderful way of disconnecting at the worst of times to do so, I go to the coffee shop to see about making amends because..., yep, you guessed it, 'I was in love!' But I go into her room, and Mr White Knight's already threatening to flag me for 'harassment', despite that this girl asked me to come back to talk. She was still AFK, so couldn't say anything. And Deputy Dipstick keeps ranting about how she doesn't care for me and wants me to leave. He then gets all creeper and hugs up cuddly with her, obviously trying to grate at my last nerves and get me jealous.
For such actions, you'd expect for my love to come to my side and defend me against such angry and unfounded attacks, but no. She just excuses him as being concerned about her and wanting to protect her. Of course. Because he's the fucking one that wants to REPLACE ME! But my love never got it through her thick skull. And finally, after arguing for a few hours, she just goes to 'let's just be friends!'
FUCK THAT! All her friends hate me now. How can I be a friend in that scenario. I can't be in the same room with her because her friends will just drop in and try to start fights with me. Mr. White Knight will want to be there to cuddle up to her and try to make me jealous. And even if we tried to go somewhere else, she'll still want to be with all those friends that hate me. Despite saying she doesn't like crying in front of her friends, she'll run to them and get her little pity party pose together and let them tell her what an evil bastard I am if I dare 'hurt' her again. Fuck that, I'm not in love any more. So I finally did the smart thing and left her. Yes, I probably should have done it sooner, but finally, I'm free from the insanity of that fucked up love.
And that's all for the drama that has been my virtual life since I fell off the face of the earth. :p
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Kill the Bill say No to SOPA and PIPA
I'm all about artists getting credit for work, they should get their due.
But to compromise the liberties of everyone, to serve so few?
It's rank foul a stench, it just makes me go pew!
A corporate industry trying to screw over people?
Well, that's nothing new.
Protect our online rights, urge your representatives to kill the bill on SOPA and PIPA.
http://vimeo.com/31100268
But to compromise the liberties of everyone, to serve so few?
It's rank foul a stench, it just makes me go pew!
A corporate industry trying to screw over people?
Well, that's nothing new.
Protect our online rights, urge your representatives to kill the bill on SOPA and PIPA.
http://vimeo.com/31100268
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
French Poem
For some reason tonight, I was inspired to write a poem in French.
French
Rêves ma amour douce
être traité puissiez-vous
dans le plaisir
à reprises deux
trouver puissiez-vous
dans les votre rêves
tranquillité pour d'vous
English
Sweet dreams my love
may you be treated
in pleasure
to times twice
May you find
in your dreams
peace for you
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Story on Mars
This is a pet project of mine that kinda gets some inspiration from RP. However, this story is one that holds on its own, much like the Latin Story, Stabat Mater. Difference is that this is a more recent project. Check it out for yourself on my Livejournal.
Friday, November 18, 2011
The Penalty Of Living Too Close To The Flesh
The title is a play off of Archbishop Fulton Sheen's Life of Christ, where he stated, “The penalty of those who live too close to the flesh is to never understand the spiritual.” I had recently in my more 'real life' journal, put up an article on the matter of such words with regards to pornography. You can read this article here, if you like. Though it's certainly not required reading or anything.
I thought about this concept, about there being a penalty upon persons 'living too close to the flesh.' Ioh, as a hybrid, his character was produced naturally by birth of other natural hybrid felines called Feles. Under his core background, he sees his particular world as natural, his flesh and bones as natural. He comes from a feline society that has culture, religion, and tradition. Sexual intercourse is managed in much the same manner of tribal societal design. That is, among the leaders, the chiefs and elders, sex was managed through matrimony and intended as a matter of continuing the lineage of the leadership. Thus there was an importance imposed upon the children of leadership, to which arranged marriage would be the common tradition.
However, in the most recent diaspora caused by human poaching that amounted to genocide of the Feles found in Africa, what remains of the tribes is unknown. In these uncertainties, purity of breeding is lost to the expediency of having some sort of lineage to pass on. That meant the loss of any taboos associated to tribal societal differences and, later, what extended to the modern feline hybrids, and ever further 'degradation' with regards to interbreeding with humans. However, it is reasoned among Feles that this is the only way to maintain their lineage in the world, even though it is at the cost of no longer the existence of a pure Feles race.
Understand, none of this is intended to support any notion of interbreeding between humans and animals. It is also not meant to be an argument in favor of racism, or any sort of racial or species supremacy. However, it does denote various lines of such undercurrents that can be found in a staunch or extreme zeal if culture, religious and social principles, and other things of humanity go unchecked. Discernment of the principalities that guide or rule us is always important. For if we do not safeguard ourselves from an overzealous nature that would dictate our possible extermination, and that of life around us, then what we have instead of the intended desire for life is that of a hardened practice of a cold, mechanical culture of death.
But even in the speaking of a 'culture of death', I do not mean to demonize death. There is a place and time for it in the nature and order of things. For if indeed our soul is eternal, then passing on from this life, we therefore transition into a 'new' or different phase of life. And maybe while we are in this physical body, there are the warring factions of the principalities going on that both promote and demote human life. We both present a case for and against the human race, offering ourselves up to their judgment, or ordering our lives to certain principalities as if to follow their precepts will somehow bring us to greater fulfillment in the life hereafter. And maybe that is so.
And maybe what precepts we carry into this life beyond the physical are the strongholds that may either expand or limit our experience in that dimension. It's almost as if our life on earth is but a testing ground, and maybe indeed little more than a vacuum test tube inside a bubble for a long term experiment that's lasted some thousands, or maybe millions, possibly billions of years, depending on what time frame you wish to consider. Regardless, whatever this experiment is, it's creation goes into that timeless dimension that we have often imagined, but always come away from with more questions than answers.
I suppose I've gotten astray from Ioh a bit. But inevitably, even this tangent finds its way into the core of Ioh. For I cannot deny that he is me. He is an avatar, and one extension of me within a virtual world, or metaverse. And that grid is much akin to a microcosm of the macrocosm of the world we reside in within real life, which is still in turn but a microcosm of reality within the fullness of the universe itself. When we move about in Second Life, we find ourselves in a simulated metaphysical universe, which could be cause enough for why to coin a virtual world as part of a metaverse. It also may be a kind of reflection of the universe itself, if indeed it is a bubble to which the earth is like a test tube in a vacuum within. Thus, Second Life, and all the other virtual worlds created, or yet to be created and populated with virtual avatars, they are all part of our created vacuum of a test tube that we experiment within for our own purposes.
Of course, the question always remains of, why? And the answers are just as vast and riddled as the nature of 'why?' with regards to the universe as a whole. And I'm not about to try to answer and explain them here. I doubt I adequately could. But I do think that our participation within a virtual world has the potential to help us tap into the mysteries of the universe, in as much as as we see the reflection of it within our created metaverse. But even there, and like St. Paul is believed to have written that, "We see now through a glass in a dark manner" (I Cor. 13: 12a).
Living too close to the flesh becomes a concept for Luke in the current RP he is in due to the particular nature of were self. Were creatures in the Cove are not allowed magic by way of their 'disease' of lycanthropy. In some ways, this reflects on the 'penalty'. Because the 'disease' affects were creatures in a certain fashion, they are more attuned to animal instincts, and thus the 'flesh' is more imposed on them. Does that completely deny them any spiritual aspect? Of course not. But it does play on that concept that magic is denied them by way of some punishment. Were creatures still can attain certain other supernatural aspects and awareness. And from that, they can develop a mysticism and a rationale among them that would rather deny their particular species as diseased or cursed, and possibly among themselves consider themselves blessed or better enhanced. A certain pride may come from this. They may even see themselves as leaders and people that, with power and might, are intended to rule.
Luke, however, sees his world through mystery, though mysticism. He prefers to hide his abilities as much as he can. He masks his were creature portion of himself in as much as he can manage it. The nature of being a were creature does not always help him abide in that secrecy, but he still works hard to maintain it. His world is prioritized between his business of Cairo's Cardamom Coffee as the front, or what he wishes to extend as the image of who he is to the RP world of Cranberry Cove. He speaks of his 'family', which is important, both in regards to maintaining the business front, as well as of private importance as those he as Aleph, or the Alpha of the Pard is in charge of to protect. And under that layer of family, within the Pard Lair resides the core, or heart of Luke, the Pard, and Cairo's. The 'inner sanctum' holds the mystery of all that comprises Luke and the Pard, to which Cairo's maintains through what business the coffee shop does within the Cove.
In some ways, Luke reflects a particular way in which I feel about religion in my first, or real life. While I do have a religion, which is Catholic Christian at it's core, it is not something I purposely nor actively display to the world. It is not that I deny any commission to go out and spread the faith to the ends of the earth. I do my part through my own testimony, and I do have my failings in my own fractured nature as a human. But I just don't run all over town and shout to the ends of the earth how I am a Christian and Catholic in faith. My best testimony is not going to be in what I say, but what I do. It's also an imperfect testimony, because I can be a hypocrite, and I can be all the things that are not so great about being a human. But maybe, in as much as I seek out for something greater than myself, I testify to what is better than me, to the One who is the far better being than I am. But I am still in the process of becoming. I am still waiting and anticipating the day that I am face to face with my Creator, the One who has ultimate authorship over my life. And so, even as St. Paul had written, so do I reflect on how "I know in part, but then, I shall know even as I am known" (I Cor. 13: 12c).
I thought about this concept, about there being a penalty upon persons 'living too close to the flesh.' Ioh, as a hybrid, his character was produced naturally by birth of other natural hybrid felines called Feles. Under his core background, he sees his particular world as natural, his flesh and bones as natural. He comes from a feline society that has culture, religion, and tradition. Sexual intercourse is managed in much the same manner of tribal societal design. That is, among the leaders, the chiefs and elders, sex was managed through matrimony and intended as a matter of continuing the lineage of the leadership. Thus there was an importance imposed upon the children of leadership, to which arranged marriage would be the common tradition.
However, in the most recent diaspora caused by human poaching that amounted to genocide of the Feles found in Africa, what remains of the tribes is unknown. In these uncertainties, purity of breeding is lost to the expediency of having some sort of lineage to pass on. That meant the loss of any taboos associated to tribal societal differences and, later, what extended to the modern feline hybrids, and ever further 'degradation' with regards to interbreeding with humans. However, it is reasoned among Feles that this is the only way to maintain their lineage in the world, even though it is at the cost of no longer the existence of a pure Feles race.
Understand, none of this is intended to support any notion of interbreeding between humans and animals. It is also not meant to be an argument in favor of racism, or any sort of racial or species supremacy. However, it does denote various lines of such undercurrents that can be found in a staunch or extreme zeal if culture, religious and social principles, and other things of humanity go unchecked. Discernment of the principalities that guide or rule us is always important. For if we do not safeguard ourselves from an overzealous nature that would dictate our possible extermination, and that of life around us, then what we have instead of the intended desire for life is that of a hardened practice of a cold, mechanical culture of death.
But even in the speaking of a 'culture of death', I do not mean to demonize death. There is a place and time for it in the nature and order of things. For if indeed our soul is eternal, then passing on from this life, we therefore transition into a 'new' or different phase of life. And maybe while we are in this physical body, there are the warring factions of the principalities going on that both promote and demote human life. We both present a case for and against the human race, offering ourselves up to their judgment, or ordering our lives to certain principalities as if to follow their precepts will somehow bring us to greater fulfillment in the life hereafter. And maybe that is so.
And maybe what precepts we carry into this life beyond the physical are the strongholds that may either expand or limit our experience in that dimension. It's almost as if our life on earth is but a testing ground, and maybe indeed little more than a vacuum test tube inside a bubble for a long term experiment that's lasted some thousands, or maybe millions, possibly billions of years, depending on what time frame you wish to consider. Regardless, whatever this experiment is, it's creation goes into that timeless dimension that we have often imagined, but always come away from with more questions than answers.
I suppose I've gotten astray from Ioh a bit. But inevitably, even this tangent finds its way into the core of Ioh. For I cannot deny that he is me. He is an avatar, and one extension of me within a virtual world, or metaverse. And that grid is much akin to a microcosm of the macrocosm of the world we reside in within real life, which is still in turn but a microcosm of reality within the fullness of the universe itself. When we move about in Second Life, we find ourselves in a simulated metaphysical universe, which could be cause enough for why to coin a virtual world as part of a metaverse. It also may be a kind of reflection of the universe itself, if indeed it is a bubble to which the earth is like a test tube in a vacuum within. Thus, Second Life, and all the other virtual worlds created, or yet to be created and populated with virtual avatars, they are all part of our created vacuum of a test tube that we experiment within for our own purposes.
Of course, the question always remains of, why? And the answers are just as vast and riddled as the nature of 'why?' with regards to the universe as a whole. And I'm not about to try to answer and explain them here. I doubt I adequately could. But I do think that our participation within a virtual world has the potential to help us tap into the mysteries of the universe, in as much as as we see the reflection of it within our created metaverse. But even there, and like St. Paul is believed to have written that, "We see now through a glass in a dark manner" (I Cor. 13: 12a).
Living too close to the flesh becomes a concept for Luke in the current RP he is in due to the particular nature of were self. Were creatures in the Cove are not allowed magic by way of their 'disease' of lycanthropy. In some ways, this reflects on the 'penalty'. Because the 'disease' affects were creatures in a certain fashion, they are more attuned to animal instincts, and thus the 'flesh' is more imposed on them. Does that completely deny them any spiritual aspect? Of course not. But it does play on that concept that magic is denied them by way of some punishment. Were creatures still can attain certain other supernatural aspects and awareness. And from that, they can develop a mysticism and a rationale among them that would rather deny their particular species as diseased or cursed, and possibly among themselves consider themselves blessed or better enhanced. A certain pride may come from this. They may even see themselves as leaders and people that, with power and might, are intended to rule.
Luke, however, sees his world through mystery, though mysticism. He prefers to hide his abilities as much as he can. He masks his were creature portion of himself in as much as he can manage it. The nature of being a were creature does not always help him abide in that secrecy, but he still works hard to maintain it. His world is prioritized between his business of Cairo's Cardamom Coffee as the front, or what he wishes to extend as the image of who he is to the RP world of Cranberry Cove. He speaks of his 'family', which is important, both in regards to maintaining the business front, as well as of private importance as those he as Aleph, or the Alpha of the Pard is in charge of to protect. And under that layer of family, within the Pard Lair resides the core, or heart of Luke, the Pard, and Cairo's. The 'inner sanctum' holds the mystery of all that comprises Luke and the Pard, to which Cairo's maintains through what business the coffee shop does within the Cove.
In some ways, Luke reflects a particular way in which I feel about religion in my first, or real life. While I do have a religion, which is Catholic Christian at it's core, it is not something I purposely nor actively display to the world. It is not that I deny any commission to go out and spread the faith to the ends of the earth. I do my part through my own testimony, and I do have my failings in my own fractured nature as a human. But I just don't run all over town and shout to the ends of the earth how I am a Christian and Catholic in faith. My best testimony is not going to be in what I say, but what I do. It's also an imperfect testimony, because I can be a hypocrite, and I can be all the things that are not so great about being a human. But maybe, in as much as I seek out for something greater than myself, I testify to what is better than me, to the One who is the far better being than I am. But I am still in the process of becoming. I am still waiting and anticipating the day that I am face to face with my Creator, the One who has ultimate authorship over my life. And so, even as St. Paul had written, so do I reflect on how "I know in part, but then, I shall know even as I am known" (I Cor. 13: 12c).
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Past Postings
I remember when MJ said he'd do it, that he'd copy my blog posting to PDF. And on recent searching of Ioh's name, I found this:
Thus, even while I deleted the posting here on the Acta, this is still floating about on the web.
But that's fine by me. I have nothing to hide even now. But, after over a year since posting it, and nearly two years since the final fallout, Things have changed enough in my life to be able to re-read it and reflect a bit.
While I may have nothing to hide, it doesn't mean that I don't regret the things that happened to bring us from that 'in love' feeling to being so out of it. And despite a still common opinion that I just left, not just Bails, but Midian itself, because I wasn't getting my way, it was never how I intended things. It's just how things 'progressed', and not in a positive way.
There's people that are angry at me to this day, and likely will never speak to me again. And that's fine. I can't change that. The difference having been felt were that some of these people are people that I once trusted and cared for. They likely don't believe that I ever did, and I can't change their feelings and opinions on the matter. So I won't try. If they choose some day to talk, and not make it into some drag out drama or argument, I'll consider talking to them, maybe even friend them again. But I'm not going to force the issue.
Some people might consider it caving if indeed I did talk to them again, and especially if I were to ever become friends again with them. But I just can't close the door completely on people. I might lock it for a while if I feel that's the best thing to do, for both our sake and sanity.But I can never keep it fully closed to anyone. Not to say it's completely open, but it's not completely closed either. Only time and circumstances can tell what will be the end result, on if the door remains open or is shut completely. But I'm not about to go seeking out anyone. They know where to find me.
The main reason I post this is as a reminder, first and foremost to myself. One aspect is that nothing that goes out on the web is ever fully taken off. There's still some residuals, even if such things may be linked or copied, as well as what memory other people choose to keep. That being said, few things are private in a web community, and many things can come back to haunt you. But, they can also be reminders of how things used to be. And not just the bad stuff, but even the good.
And maybe, just maybe, can learn from those things that stick in the web how to work towards preventing the bad stuff from happening again, and consider ways to bring out the good stuff that makes a life (both virtual and 'real') worth living.
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