The Penalty Of Living Too Close To The Flesh

The title is a play off of Archbishop Fulton Sheen's Life of Christ, where he stated, “The penalty of those who live too close to the flesh is to never understand the spiritual.”  I had recently in my more 'real life' journal, put up an article on the matter of such words with regards to pornography.  You can read this article here, if you like.  Though it's certainly not required reading or anything.

I thought about this concept, about there being a penalty upon persons 'living too close to the flesh.' Ioh, as a hybrid, his character was produced naturally by birth of other natural hybrid felines called Feles.  Under his core background, he sees his particular world as natural, his flesh and bones as natural.  He comes from a feline society that has culture, religion, and tradition.  Sexual intercourse is managed in much the same manner of tribal societal design.  That is, among the leaders, the chiefs and elders, sex was managed through matrimony and intended as a matter of continuing the lineage of the leadership.  Thus there was an importance imposed upon the children of leadership, to which arranged marriage would be the common tradition.

However, in the most recent diaspora caused by human poaching that amounted to genocide of the Feles found in Africa, what remains of the tribes is unknown.  In these uncertainties, purity of breeding is lost to the expediency of having some sort of lineage to pass on.  That meant the loss of any taboos associated to tribal societal differences and, later, what extended to the modern feline hybrids, and ever further 'degradation' with regards to interbreeding with humans.  However, it is reasoned among Feles that this is the only way to maintain their lineage in the world, even though it is at the cost of no longer the existence of a pure Feles race.

Understand, none of this is intended to support any notion of interbreeding between humans and animals.  It is also not meant to be an argument in favor of racism, or any sort of racial or species supremacy.  However, it does denote various lines of such undercurrents that can be found in a staunch or extreme zeal if culture, religious and social principles, and other things of humanity go unchecked.  Discernment of the principalities that guide or rule us is always important.  For if we do not safeguard ourselves from an overzealous nature that would dictate our possible extermination, and that of life around us, then what we have instead of the intended desire for life is that of a hardened practice of a cold, mechanical culture of death.

But even in the speaking of a 'culture of death', I do not mean to demonize death.  There is a place and time for it in the nature and order of things.  For if indeed our soul is eternal, then passing on from this life, we therefore transition into a 'new' or different phase of life.  And maybe while we are in this physical body, there are the warring factions of the principalities going on that both promote and demote human life.  We both present a case for and against the human race, offering ourselves up to their judgment, or ordering our lives to certain principalities as if to follow their precepts will somehow bring us to greater fulfillment in the life hereafter.  And maybe that is so.

And maybe what precepts we carry into this life beyond the physical are the strongholds that may either expand or limit our experience in that dimension.  It's almost as if our life on earth is but a testing ground, and maybe indeed little more than a vacuum test tube inside a bubble for a long term experiment that's lasted some thousands, or maybe millions, possibly billions of years, depending on what time frame you wish to consider.  Regardless, whatever this experiment is, it's creation goes into that timeless dimension that we have often imagined, but always come away from with more questions than answers.

I suppose I've gotten astray from Ioh a bit.  But inevitably, even this tangent finds its way into the core of Ioh.  For I cannot deny that he is me.  He is an avatar, and one extension of me within a virtual world, or metaverse.  And that grid is much akin to a microcosm of the macrocosm of the world we reside in within real life, which is still in turn but a microcosm of reality within the fullness of the universe itself.  When we move about in Second Life, we find ourselves in a simulated metaphysical universe, which could be cause enough for why to coin a virtual world as part of a metaverse.  It also may be a kind of reflection of the universe itself, if indeed it is a bubble to which the earth is like a test tube in a vacuum within. Thus, Second Life, and all the other virtual worlds created, or yet to be created and populated with virtual avatars, they are all part of our created vacuum of a test tube  that we experiment within for our own purposes.

Of course, the question always remains of, why?  And the answers are just as vast and riddled as the nature of 'why?' with regards to the universe as a whole.  And I'm not about to try to answer and explain them here.  I doubt I adequately could.  But I do think that our participation within a virtual world has the potential to help us tap into the mysteries of the universe, in as much as as we see the reflection of it within our created metaverse.  But even there, and like St. Paul is believed to have written that, "We see now through a glass in a dark manner" (I Cor. 13: 12a).

Living too close to the flesh becomes a concept for Luke in the current RP he is in due to the particular nature of were self. Were creatures in the Cove are not allowed magic by way of their 'disease' of lycanthropy. In some ways, this reflects on the 'penalty'. Because the 'disease' affects were creatures in a certain fashion, they are more attuned to animal instincts, and thus the 'flesh' is more imposed on them. Does that completely deny them any spiritual aspect? Of course not. But it does play on that concept that magic is denied them by way of some punishment.  Were creatures still can attain certain other supernatural aspects and awareness. And from that, they can develop a mysticism and a rationale among them that would rather deny their particular species as diseased or cursed, and possibly among themselves consider themselves blessed or better enhanced. A certain pride may come from this. They may even see themselves as leaders and people that, with power and might, are intended to rule.

Luke, however, sees his world through mystery, though mysticism. He prefers to hide his abilities as much as he can. He masks his were creature portion of himself in as much as he can manage it. The nature of being a were creature does not always help him abide in that secrecy, but he still works hard to maintain it. His world is prioritized between his business of Cairo's Cardamom Coffee as the front, or what he wishes to extend as the image of who he is to the RP world of Cranberry Cove. He speaks of his 'family', which is important, both in regards to maintaining the business front, as well as of private importance as those he as Aleph, or the Alpha of the Pard is in charge of to protect. And under that layer of family, within the Pard Lair resides the core, or heart of Luke, the Pard, and Cairo's. The 'inner sanctum' holds the mystery of all that comprises Luke and the Pard, to which Cairo's maintains through what business the coffee shop does within the Cove.

In some ways, Luke reflects a particular way in which I feel about religion in my first, or real life. While I do have a religion, which is Catholic Christian at it's core, it is not something I purposely nor actively display to the world. It is not that I deny any commission to go out and spread the faith to the ends of the earth. I do my part through my own testimony, and I do have my failings in my own fractured nature as a human. But I just don't run all over town and shout to the ends of the earth how I am a Christian and Catholic in faith. My best testimony is not going to be in what I say, but what I do. It's also an imperfect testimony, because I can be a hypocrite, and I can be all the things that are not so great about being a human. But maybe, in as much as I seek out for something greater than myself, I testify to what is better than me, to the One who is the far better being than I am. But I am still in the process of becoming. I am still waiting and anticipating the day that I am face to face with my Creator, the One who has ultimate authorship over my life. And so, even as St. Paul had written, so do I reflect on how "I know in part, but then, I shall know even as I am known" (I Cor. 13: 12c).

Past Postings

I remember when MJ said he'd do it, that he'd copy my blog posting to PDF.  And on recent searching of Ioh's name, I found this:

http://masseyinc.net/Blog-1.pdf

Thus, even while I deleted the posting here on the Acta, this is still floating about on the web.

But that's fine by me.  I have nothing to hide even now.  But, after over a year since posting it, and nearly two years since the final fallout, Things have changed enough in my life to be able to re-read it and reflect a bit.  

While I may have nothing to hide, it doesn't mean that I don't regret the things that happened to bring us from that 'in love' feeling to being so out of it.  And despite a still common opinion that I just left, not just Bails, but Midian itself, because I wasn't getting my way, it was never how I intended things.  It's just how things 'progressed', and not in a positive way.

There's people that are angry at me to this day, and likely will never speak to me again.  And that's fine.  I can't change that.  The difference having been felt were that some of these people are people that I once trusted and cared for.  They likely don't believe that I ever did, and I can't change their feelings and opinions on the matter. So I won't try.  If they choose some day to talk, and not make it into some drag out drama or argument, I'll consider talking to them, maybe even friend them again.  But I'm not going to force the issue.

Some people might consider it caving if indeed I did talk to them again, and especially if I were to ever become friends again with them.  But I just can't close the door completely on people.  I might lock it for a while if I feel that's the best thing to do, for both our sake and sanity.But I can never keep it fully closed to anyone.  Not to say it's completely open, but it's not completely closed either.  Only time and circumstances can tell what will be the end result, on if the door remains open or is shut completely.  But I'm not about to go seeking out anyone.  They know where to find me.

The main reason I post this is as a reminder, first and foremost to myself.  One aspect is that nothing that goes out on the web is ever fully taken off.  There's still some residuals, even if such things may be linked or copied, as well as what memory other people choose to keep.  That being said, few things are private in a web community, and many things can come back to haunt you.  But, they can also be reminders of how things used to be.  And not just the bad stuff, but even the good.  

And maybe, just maybe, can learn from those things that stick in the web how to work towards preventing the bad stuff from happening again, and consider ways to bring out the good stuff that makes a life (both virtual and 'real') worth living.

The Idea of Home

A friend on my FaceBook put this clip up:



I haven't seen Garden State before, but this scene kinda hits me.  Probably because of some crap I've been through lately.  Frustrations in certain things I've tried to do, and everything I worked on being just tossed.  And there is that sense of being there, but not really.  Like there was an idea, but it's getting lost.

The intro to the pool scene, where everyone but Largeman jumps in is kinda where I've been at.  Everyone's jumped into an idea, or made up their own world, their own pool, that largely is theirs.  And I'm looking at it, and while I'd once seen the idea, or thought I had ideas for how I could be in that pool, I can just see myself looking like some 'wet beaver.'  And I know how to swim just fine, thank you.

But to some extent, I did jump in, with encouragement of people I've considered friends.  Or at least one.  But I didn't lose that 'wet beaver' aspect, and wound up on one side of the pool away from everyone else.  Despite encouragement, even compliments, and told how wonderful my ideas were.  Nothing really has stuck.  Instead, pretty much everything has been thrown to the side, and I'm the one that's supposed to accept it all.  Pretty much, all I got is a damn sympathy vote keeping me anywhere in this pool.

I can't help but feel that any idea of home is gone.  Sure, I've rented, paid rent in this place, put up my ideas, tried to promote things.  And what do I get for it?  Told that I've got great ideas, but no, they're not usable.  They need to change.  'We' think, and yet, I get two separate views from those that are in this royal 'we' usage and dictator-like authoritarian crap I get on one end.  And yet there is the other that encourages me, tells me that I'm doing great things.  And I'm like, "Well which the fuck is it?!?!"

I feel like one side of this 'we' wants to send me out packing from town, while the other side wants me to be a part of things.  And I'm so damn confused and frustrated.  I don't know which side to believe.  I don't know if it even matters any more.  Because no matter how many times I'm told how wonderful I am, just as many times I'm told how horrible I am.  And this isn't even starting with my own damn mind in my own damn thick ass skull.

So I don't know what to do.  I'm writing in my journal this because it's at least better than trying to rant to individuals that I don't know if I should trust.  And I'm trying to keep this as general and ambiguous as possible, while still getting the bullshit out into something cohesive and constructive.  But one side may just continue to say that whatever I type is dung and hating me all the more.  At this point, anything I say will not change that.  So I'll say what I have to say here, because it is one place they can't play that authoritarian bullshit on me.  Because this is my blog, not theirs.  This is where I should be able to have my say, and not be told, "No, you're not doing what we want you to do!"

I hate that royal 'we' bullshit.  Or saying "We're all part of a team," when you really mean that you, the one using the 'we' is the lead bully that wants everyone to conform to your way of thinking.  Or to be all authoritarian about guidelines and try to micromanage a person to death.  I don't consider that wanting people to work as a team.  Not when every damn thing I've worked for has practically been thrown out the window.  It feels more like trying to throw me into place, and that place, from what it's looking, is not within the pool.  Nope, I wasn't wanted in the pool, in the first place is the message I'm getting.  Why should I join that sort of team?  A team I consider more of a dictatorship with me the unwanted minority.  Why say, 'Come be a part of the team!' when you really mean, 'Get the fuck out of Dodge!'?

The more things continue this way, the more I believe I don't belong in the pool. So maybe it's about time to just get out of the pool and find my own swimming hole elsewhere.

To be a hybrid or not to be?

That is a question.  It's one that comes up often in SL, particularly in RP, though sometimes in non-RP areas as well.  It's kind of a mixed bag, regardless of whether you RP or not.  Though I would say that there is more room to move about as a hybrid in general SL than RP.

Why is it harder to RP as a hybrid character?  It's both a mixture of IC and OOC issues.  ICly, if you play it right, a hybrid is somewhat like a second class citizen in RP.  I tend to consider it much like African Americans from Civil War times on up to the Civil Rights.  I'm not saying a Hybrid has to be African American, nor originate out of Africa, though Ioh does happen to derive from North Africa in the area around where St. Augustine of Hippo came from.  There's many reasons for that choice beyond some connection to a 'out of Africa theme.  And those choices are personal and intimate to Ioh's character.  But this I think is not so uncommon for most mature RPers.  If you want a 'real' character, one that comes 'alive', you have to put that sort of depth and history into a given character you choose to create.  I could have just as easily made him some African tribesman, or Hungarian Viking, and all this would still apply.  Whether black, white, furry leopard hide with spots.  There has to be some sort of realism/verisimilitude to the character for someone to buy in to their authenticity.

This by no means implies 'acceptance'.  At the very least, I am not asking for a favorable reception of my character from all other characters he comes across.  And, honestly, I never did find that ever to be the case in places like Midian, where there was the UAC actively persecuting hybrids, and Human's First that was a political activist movement against hybrids.  These may, or may not have been OOC realities of the persons behind the characters in these given groups, but they were very real reactions within the IC.  They were things that Ioh had to interact with, and chose how to respond.  And I was fine with that, as it was all part of the story.  It was part of how the RP worked.

But, it's not just on the human side of things that hybrids have difficulties.  There are also the characters that are under a mask or stay hidden in the shadows.  Is it fair to have lycans always hiding their beast-like appearances when a hybrid can run about with ears and tails?  Why can't a vampire always show their fangs and be all vampirey all the time?  Or what about fae and glamour?

These are all good questions, and on the surface, it may seem like a hybrid gets favorable treatment to be able to have their ears, tail and fur shown to everyone.  But if that's the case, then why is it that hybrids have to be limited to a second class citizen and constantly being questioned about whether they are more animal or beast - whether they have a soul and can have equality with humans.  Consider then, that the non-human races that can more easily disguise themselves have it better off.  They can hide what they are and not have to deal with the constant questioning out in the open.  Sure, they may have ideas that humans would not accept them, but hybrids know for a fact that they are not accepted.  They are confronted with it.  The discrimination is right out in the open as much as their particular features are there to be examined and disapproved by a human oriented society.  All the other non-human races that can hide themselves get a pass from such open hostilities, for as long as they can keep their existence hidden.

Of course, the other races may question, "Why hide?"  If they are indeed so superior to humans, then why hide?  This is always a curious question.  The Mercy Thompson series by Patricia Briggs explores this concept pretty well.  At the beginning of the series, the fae wind up having to come out.  It started with a case where a fae was put on trial for murder.  It wasn't known at the time that the person suspected of being the murderer was fae.  He was a gardner for some rich person, and this person got murdered by use of gardening shears.  The only way to prove the gardener's innocence was for him to drop his glamour to show what he is.  For, as a fae, he could not use items made of metal, so he couldn't possibly have used the shears without them harming him.

The story goes on to talk of how the werewolves decided they had to come out.  And yes, there was conflict there, even among the wolves as some of them did not want the wolves to be outed to the public.  Part of this was from watching the treatment of the fae, how in many places, humans sought to harm them due to fears and prejudices.  Of course, the not so great history of the fae and their encounters with humans don't help much either.  Yet the Gray Lords deemed that lesser fae, such as brownies and whatnot out themselves.  Eventually, for 'security reasons' the fae were placed in reservations, and, while outed, they generally keep to themselves.  The wolves against werewolves being outed did not want to go through such things.  Yet, there were wolves in certain professions of law and medicine that were realizing that the abilities of modern technology were starting to make it harder for them to stay secret for much longer.

And so the Marok, the head wolf of the North American Werewolves selectively had certain wolves come out to act as representatives of  the werewolf population.  They put on the front that wolves are protectors - they are among your cops, your military, your firefighters - and are all out to serve and protect as outstanding heroes in your community.  Of course, wolves have many dark elements underneath that front.  But that is how the Marok chose to portray the wolves in hopes of trying to gain acceptance for the existence of werewolves among human society.  Yet, there were opposing groups that looked to find instances of werewolf attacks, and other ways to discredit the werewolf image.  More so, laws were being pushed to consider that werewolves are more animal, or at least not human enough to be regarded as citizens or to have equal rights to humans.

Vampires in the Mercy Thompson world did not want to be outed at all.  After all, it becomes harder to feed off humans when they become aware of what you are.  And despite their greater strength, it just wouldn't benefit them to wipe out their food.  So they came to prefer the shadows over coming to the light.  The obvious reason about light and all is because most vampires are not able to go out by day, unless they want to die - er, no longer exist to be animated undead.

For me, you cant spotlight just one race, such as hybrids, and say because they can do something another race can't (such as have ears and tails showing) , and call it unfair or preferential treatment.  In the long run, and looking at each particular race from its own individual traits and unique aspects, you can't say that is being treated with more or less preference.  They each have their own abilities, their own reasons to do things, their own motive and individual characters and depth of play.

If there's anything I would ask of a human, or non-human, but also non-hybrid character to consider is that it's quite alright to have IC reasons to hold prejudice against hybrids.  It's another thing to hold them in OOC.  If you would like to have hybrids as part of the general reality of your RP, then by all means.  I may even enjoy RPing there.  But, don't measure the quality of a hybrid, or any character by the personal perceptions that come from a singular experience or stereotype.  Be true to your character's genuine reactions, but don't let that flow into OOC.  Assuming we all want to make good stories, we have to step away from the first person or our character and take a look at the big picture as well.

However, I will admit that I have my particulars.  They almost have become personal rules.  If I find a place doesn't fit how I would like to RP, then I move on.  It's a hard road to travel on, and it often can leave me with times when I can't find places to RP.  But, I figure it's a quality measure.  If I can find a place with the right balance for my character and can enjoy the RP there, then isn't it worth the wait?  It's a discerning, not a discriminating, to be able to know when a place fits for your character or not.  It's similar when it comes to creating a place as well.  You;re choosing, you're discerning what is going to be the reality of the place you're trying to create.  Granted, it gets frustrating as a seeker who's found so many places that look nice, but don't fit, or seem to not want me to fit.  It's also hard on the other end when you try to fit as many as possible, but still try to figure out how to maintain the integrity of the RP.  And let's face it, RPers can be very picky.

Apologia

First things first. This is not meant so say, “I'm sorry.”  It is just to explain. I'm not asking for forgiveness, nor do I expect for much to change from putting this up in the Acta. But I'm putting it up anyways. It's how I do things.

The first part goes to Midian. Ioh had spent three years there. Had become a prominent character there. Have to admit, I did like some of the prestige that came with it. Doesn't mean I liked everything about it. Nor did I  like everything Ioh did. But he did what he did. I'm not going to defend nor deny him as a character. He was who he was there. OOCly, I got into a few arguments. Bit off more than I could chew, and, certainly, the whole drama with Bails blew a lot of cans out of the water.

Towards the end, I resented a lot of things. Was very angry, and hurt. I lost a lot. Sure, some of it was from my own pride, and letting the anger and hurt guide me. I shouldn't have, but I did. Even so, I will not retract the Latin in which I essentially said Midian must be destroyed. Why? Because it was true. And apparently, Midian itself came to realize that. The Midian that was at the time indeed needed to be destroyed.

To that end, Levi, then Apoc faded away from the landscape, as far as I understand. Now, most RP in the reboot is centered around the main sim. Before, that's generally what happened anyways. Granted, when Midian had a population to where when Midian main became full, Apoc would find some people to head there, and certain factions and events made sense over there. But, Levi had spread things too thin, and brought in things that didn't quite mix too well with the general theme of Midian. Sure, Levi had more of an appearance of Blade Runner, but not quite the theme of Midian. Blade Runner itself wasn't all that much about Nazis either, nor about holding hybrids as slaves. Blade Runner had more to do with cyber punk. It is a (as in once of many) post apocalyptic theme where cyborgs that were aging were going mad and growing murderous as they sought out to rid themselves of the aging process and seek out survival as near immortals. This is hardly the theme of Midian – at least not a main theme. There were all sorts of stories within a diverse number of themes that happened in Midian 2.0 (Midian 1.0 being the sky box, and the reboot, somewhat of a 3.0 - but it seems like it may be more like a 2.1). One of the themes had to do with hybrids, to which Ioh was a part of.

Now, I'm not going to lament the sanitizing that has happened to hybrids. Maybe it was time to put an end to some age-old rumblings in the city. Although, there should be no surprise that new rumblings will likely arise in the reboot as well. But, I will say that the destruction of Midian was needed, and Midian came to believe that too, even if it came from the bad economy irl. Certainly an irony in itself, what with all the talk of how OOC should never effect IC, and you can't get much more of an example of OOC doing just that than a sour economy taking down at least two expansion sims.

One can say what they want about my drama doing harm to the sim. But Midian was already heading for a fall before I did. I just happened to point that fact out one too many times. It's just funny that it turned out that the only way to (possibly) save Midian was to do something I said ought to be done, in that Midian must be destroyed. Now that it pretty much has been destroyed, the question I have now is what will happen in the reboot? Will it provide sufficient enough change to bring Midian back to life?

Oddly enough, I hope so. Even if Ioh may never be able to set foot in Midian again. I hope some good will come out of the destruction of Midian. And no, I'm not asking for Ioh to be able to return. And certainly, I am not begging and pleading for such. As far as I'm concerned, Ioh's time in Midian has passed. It would take certain things that I don't percehF� happenin� any t�me soon, if ever, to happen. The biggest one being a lift of the ban upon him.

Of course, with Midian, there also comes Bails. She had an impact on my life for nearly a year. Ten months to be exact. That's the longest running relationship I have had ever. I had a couple that were promising after that, but didn't quite work out. So even though there can be some resentment in admitting it, Bails was among the best I've ever had. And yeah, I blew it. Big thUw.

No, I'm not going to ask for her back. No begging, no pleading. What we had is lost and I'm certain it can't be recovered. And I won't ask of it. Regrets? Plenty. But there's nothing to be done about it now. It's in the past. I have to be in the present. I may hope for a better future, but I'm not holding my breath for any reunion to happen between me and Bails. What's been said has been said. And apparently some of it can still be found of a PDF made of a long since deleted post I had in the Acta. I won't say any more on it. If you're really that curious about it, you can do a search, if you like. Finding it was partly what inspired this apologia. Just felt I ought to update where I'm at on things. People will make their judgments regardless what I say, but I'll have my word. I'll speak my voice. Because I have one. I just don't mean any ill will to anyone by saying what I have to say. That goes for you as well, Bails, if you happen to read this. I mean no ill will to you either and hope you're getting along fine now.

Amara. If there's anyone I feel an 'I'm sorry' type apology should go to, it would be to you. In what way? I'm sorry that things have led to some disappointments in the Project, and I'm sorry I can't help give you more than words of advice on things. You are a dear friend, and I really hope you the best. You are in my thoughts, and I have hope for good things to come to you. Maybe I should just be straightforward and say, “Stop worrying!” But I don't know how much that would help. But, if it means anything, I hope that it does help.

Beast. I do miss you. Been so long since we've RPed, let alone talked much. Things had always been kinda quirky with us. But eh. Guess it is what it is. You were my first Kitten in the Honorarium, and I can never forget you, regardless of all the stupid shit I put you through. Maybe we kinda put ourselves though it. Though we did have some fun times along the way. You taught me that people from Main are indeed insane, but funny as hell too! I'm sure you might want to kill me after I say this, but I'd let you take all of Ioh's nine lives so I could tell you I still care for you, you crazy bish cat! XD

Ok, fine. I'll add it. Not only were you the first Felix, you were also the Felix who's memory they all had to contend with. All of them had a bit of something that reminded me of you, Beast. But none of them were you. None of them ever could be. And only maybe one of them could possibly understand this. But I still care for you and hold a piece of you in my heart. Call me insane, or too much of a sentimental bastard, but hey, as long as you still call me, I'm fine with that.

Elise. It's hard. Ioh considered you the Godmother in dual capacity, as Matron and as his Godmother in the Midian Baptism. My biggest regret is knowing that someone I thought in many ways as a mothering sort of soul had to come to hate me so vehemently. I don't know if it will ever change. And I can't ask it of you, nor anyone to do something their heart won't allow them to do. Just know that, despite it all, I did respect you, even if it apparently didn't come out that way.

Eamon. I said much of my raw, wounded feelings about things already. No, I'm not going to take those out of my postings here just yet. As much as I don't like those feelings, they were earnest for what they were. That feeling of being betrayed and having so much taken out from under me. Much of it had little to do with you. There were certainly some personal areas. But I did once trust you and considered you a fatherly figure in RP. May not mean anything any more. But it was what it was.

Ashur. You may find this apologia betraying yourself. But, I just can't hold these things much longer. Sure, a lot of things were screwed up in Midian when we were there. A lot of things are probably screwed up in Midian now. But, I just can't hold all those things in. People are assholes, including me. We do stupid things. Like the people that keep calling to activate their cards, even though the sticker says nothing about having to do so. And how these people get angry at you for just doing your job. And I'm fairly certain that a few of those cranky sorts have tried to get me fired just for doing my job.

It's much like rooftop patrols as a Catwalker. People knew we were up there. They got warnings about getting on the roofs, and we're hated for doing our jobs in keeping people off the rooftops. And yet, people tried to get us fired. And sadly, people succeeded in doing so. But even so, I can't stand to continue being angry over it. We got screwed, and not in the best way. But, maybe forced leave from Midian was the best thing? Only time can tell. But I do miss RP with you, and hope things are going good with you.

With Chamber, I regret that I couldn't do more. Yet at the same time, I only heard about what things may happen through rumors first. And when I asked what I could do to help, it went from asking to try to build up traffic to trying to help pay for the sim, and with a limited time to do so. I really wanted things to work though. They just didn't.

Custos Noctis. I was glad to be a part of it. Even lead it. Now, regardless of what anyone says, whether the Catwalkers or otherwise, I never asked, nor wanted to be Patron. But I became Praetor of the Custos Noctis, which made Ioh basically the same thing as a Patron. It was an enjoyable role, and I have all in the Custos Noctis to thank. I also hope those kits, who may not all be kits any more, will understand that I cared for them, regardless of what happened. I would have loved to have kept the group, but it belonged in Chamber, and there was no home elsewhere. Maybe that is my fault, for being short-sighted. But I hope those in the Custos Noctis do find a new home. If I can help with that, I will try. But you have to communicate with me, as I do with you.

Angel, I know things didn't work out for us in SL. But, I still consider you a good friend. You cared for me, and were far more patient with me than I was with you. I can only thank you for that, and hope things are going well for you. Maybe will see you again. But even if not, I wish the best for you.

Az, I hope I haven't tried your patience too much. I know you would like to see the Project revitalized in some manner. Not sure exactly where it might go, or what it might do, but I'm considering it. The one thing that I strove to make clear from the beginning of it was that collaboration would have to be a key to its success. I've had my failings on that. My greatest regret is not being able to effectively present things in a way that would help people understand the importance of participation. And maybe I had been too overbearing in my attempts to communicate. There were people in the group that did indeed want to see something grow from our funky multi-dimensional ziggy-thing-a-ma-doodle. But frustrations got the best of me. However, maybe we can still try to create something out of nothing, eh? ;)

Imari, I know you wanted to see the Custos and the Project become a success. You worked hard on your concept, and it was one that I thought to be very good. Maybe, if you're still interested, we can consider how to make it applicable in the revision of the Project. I would like to see that come to fruition, because, in my books, you earned it by merit of your efforts to write it up.

I could go on with an apologia on many things. But I think I'll end here for now.  

The Singing Cat

These lyrics came practically from nowhere, but they are funny.  I'll go with the Spanish first, then to the English.  And without further adieu, here is The Singing Cat.


El Canto Del Gato


La cola de un gato se está moviendo a la izquierda y a la derecha,
a la izquierda y a la derecha.
Está maullando a la luna ya que está brillando en la noche,
ya que está brillando en la noche.


Le encanta cantar sus canciones de amor y canciones de un corazón roto,
de amor y de un corazón roto,
que brilla sobre él como ella se ilumina con un brillo en la noche,
se ilumina con un brillo en la noche.


El gato es un gato gentil, palabras dulces cantando aunque agridulce,
palabras dulces aunque agridulce.
Un aristócrata que el gato, que nació con una cuchara y una lengua de plata,
con una cuchara y la lengua de plata.


Silvestre le llamaban, aunque nunca se encontró en el bosque,
nunca se encontró en el bosque.
Plata pelaje era, Selene la llamó, como lo hicieron hace mucho tiempo,
lo hicieron hace mucho tiempo.


Y la luna, llorado cautivado por sus cantos que hizo cantar,
sus cantos que hizo cantar.
Arrobado por la rapsodia, en éxtasis, como la cola que hizo influir,
la cola que hizo influir.



A través de la noche, la luna de Selena a su tono se hizo escuchar,
su tono se hizo escuchar.
También el hombre en la luna, y su zapato a la gata, que hizo lanzar
su zapato a la gata, que hizo lanzar.

And now the English:



The Singing Cat


The cat's tail swings to the left and to the right, 
to the left and to the right.
He is meowing at the moon as she shines in the night, 
as she shines in the night. 


He loves to sing to her songs of love of broken heart,
of love and of broken heart.
She shines upon him, glowing with brightness in the night,
glowing with brightness in the night.


The cat is such a gentlecat - singing sweet words while also bittersweet,
sweet words while also bittersweet.
An aristocrat that cat, born with a spoon and tongue of silver,
with a spoon and tongue of silver.


Sylvester they called him, though never to be found in the woodland,
never to be found in the woodland.
Silver furred was he, Selene he called her, as they did so long ago,
they did so long ago.


And the moon she wept, enthralled by his cantos he did sing,
his cantos he did sing.
Enraptured by the rhapsody, in ecstacy as his tail he did sway,
his tail he did sway,


Through the night, Selena the moon to his tune she did listen,
to his tune she did listen.
As did the man on moon, and his shoe at the cat, he did throw
his shoe at the cat, he did throw.

Old Conversation

This was a dialogue from back when trying to figure out how to get some traffic into Chamber.  But yes, it does go back to aspects on Midian.  It's pretty much generic to any RP.  

Ioh: Midian started in a sky box, did you know?

***** ***** I did. I'm sure they had people though.

Ioh: well, they had a small group.  The original leaders of the first factions - CWs, Hounds, Night Breed (I think it was among them),  MPD, and the Dolls.  Most of what is Midian main was on the skybox. Not all, but most. And once it outgrew the skybox, and they were able to get the funding for it, they went to the full sim, then eventually Apoc about the time I started there, and then Levi and the swamp.

On the other hand, Chamber is like a retro fit.  We have a full sim, and a lot of things are in place.  It's just a matter getting that right nudge to get the momentum going. We got RP we want to do, and have been partially putting it off to get clearance on this and that.  And, if we can set these certain things in motion, we should be able to get the boost needed to get traffic flowing. So, from my perspective, our challenge is to set the wheels in motion, and once it flows, who knows... anything goes.

***** ***** but it can't just be us

Ioh: you know how many times, whether it was in Midian, or Everwind, or Perdition, or even here in Chamber that I have started up RP with one person, and within an hour or two, it's grown from 2 to 4 to up to 10 people seeking to RP?

***** ***** yes. That happens when there are people passing by
Ioh: I used to have Ioh or Luke just lay on the bench near the beach and in front of the Doll house, and people would just start up idle RP which would grow just from my characters being lazy and giving way for opportunity.  People come into a sim, see dots, and huddle to them.  Midian has grown to a point where they complain about that flocking phenomenon, because they have enough players to show disinterest in having people do that. But, it's exactly that phenomenon by which RP first grows

***** ***** I think they dislike the flocking phenom when those people barge in on a scene not meant to be barged on. Some do it by mistake, others try to be some kind of hero before they know what's going on.

Ioh:  True.  There is that.  Because there is RP there already to be barged in on.  When you have a population, you can be more picky about such things, because it deters particular RP of interest to an established group.  In Chamber, well, pretty much the vamps and nekos are about the most established groups out there.  And that's pretty much because we have a certain reciprocal relation to each other's survival, both IC and OOC. Because, without either of us there, there's no 'food', both in the IC literal, and OOC figurative in meaning of that which fuels RP and brings growth.

***** ***** I see
Ioh:  Otherwise, if neither of us are around, there's no RP to 'barge in' on.  There's nothing to draw on, or otherwise manipulate into one stream of storyline, or break into multiple storylines that came from that one initial interaction that started it all

***** *****  Doesn't that mean that we need more groups and variety to bounce off of too? There is only one human. There are a few supernatural types - a demon, one or two lycans maybe, then your choice of vamps or nekos

Ioh:  True, but that comes with time.  Just think of how many groups merged and spawned from the Pack in Midian, or even the CWs, or the Hounds, and MPD. Hounds, I remember the Sarcina was an offshoot of them via Oceana, who was a pet of sorts to Damian when he was the Canis. Then, later, another women's group started called the Phoenix.  MPD, well, there was the UAC to which some would say the anti-hybrids went to when MPD went soft on cats.  And then the Judges and the Midian Militia as well.